Squirm (200)
by JJCM
Summary: '200' Redux. What would've happened if JJ went to the film festival with Reid, leading to their kidnapping? What would happen if the team didn't show up at just the right moment? Would everyone make it out alive? No Will or Henry. Limited mentions of the team. There will be Cruz and Unsubs, as well as possible character death.
1. Taken

**AN: Hello, I am back! I've been struggling to write as a result of not having enough ideas I deem 'outstanding' and the fact that I've had little time to write. '200' helped to re-motivate me; what an AWESOME episode!**

**This story will focus on JJ, Reid, Cruz, and some other choice characters (such as the unsubs). There won't be a lot of the team in this fic, and it is based on the premise that Will and Henry don't exist (I know I'm taking some real liberties here). This story will follow the timeline of what happened, but I will be adding some of my own twists throughout including at the end. Some of this may read like watching the episode and some chapters may seem boring as a result of this, I apologize in advance. Because I don't have a ton of free time, this story won't be overly long, but I gave it my best shot given the time I have. I'm posting this first chapter now, a little hurriedly, in hopes that it will give me the extra motivational push I need to make this happen. I can already say a big THANK YOU to the multiple people who PM'd me, asking that I do my take on '200'. You know who you are, it is appreciated!**

**Finally, I chose the title because it was the first description that stuck in my mind. It reflects, in a sense, how I felt watching the episode, how the characters reacted during the episode, and the discomfort they will continue to feel in this story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.**

**Rating: Strong T for now (if you've seen '200' you know why), may bump up to an 'M' later depending on where this goes.**

**Squirm (as a verb)- to ****wriggle or twist the body from side to side, esp. as a result of nervousness or discomfort.**

"JJ, are you ok?" Spencer looked over and asked as they walked through the Georgetown campus, back in the direction of where they had parked.

"What? Yeah…I'm fine." JJ lied, her mind snapping out of what had clearly been a deep thought.

Spencer pursed his lips, trying hard not to stare at her too intensely. He knew her better than that. _She _knew that he knew her better than that. And yet, she had clearly just lied to him. It was rare that he had seen her mind so preoccupied. Rare that they had spent a night out together and she had been so quiet. No, something was definitely not 'fine'.

"JJ, you know you can talk to me…" Spencer began, trying a less intrusive tactic.

"I know." She replied simply, her words having an air of finality as if she were trying to kill the discussion. It seemed like she couldn't wait to get out of here, to get away from him tonight.

'_Why_ _did she agree to go to the film festival with me then? Sympathy?_' He wondered.

'_Or was it something I did? Is she no longer happy with the direction this, whatever this is, was going? Maybe I talked too much? I was only trying to help her understand what we were watching. I wanted it to seem fun, but she seemed so distant and uninterested…_'

"JJ…" He turned to her as they walked but she continued to stare forward blankly, as if in a trance.

"_JJ_?" He tried again more firmly.

"Huh? What? Sorry Spence, were you saying something?" She tried to cover quickly.

'_No, actually, I wasn't JJ. What is going on with her?_'

There was a long moment of awkward silence as they had come to a stop in the center of campus. The air was cool, the surrounding area almost devoid of people now. The only sounds were a slight breeze and the splashing of the garden fountain behind them.

"JJ, I know something is wrong. _Please_ tell me what it is." He pleaded with her. He looked deep into her eyes. They looked fearful, worried, they weren't their usual bright cheerfulness.

She looked away, glancing at the area around them. Noticing how few people were around made her feel nervous for some reason. She could feel the hairs on the back of her neck sticking up as a cool breeze ruffled her hair a little.

JJ knew she was being paranoid, but it was for good reason. She couldn't tear her mind away from what Cruz had texted her. It was consuming her. She thought that going out with Spence would be a good idea, a way for her to distract her busy mind for a while, but it hadn't worked. She could only focus on that one thing, and it scared her.

She felt bad when she realized that not only had she used Spencer tonight, but that she had also been so distracted with her thoughts that she had cheated him out of any chance of a good time that he could've had. Now he was staring at her, expectantly, hoping for her to come clean and spill her guts to him. Because they had been seeing each other, on and off, for a while now, and that's what _normal_ couples did. They shared, they were open. They trusted each other. Well, she did trust him. The problem was that right now, JJ wasn't sure that she could trust herself. She had no idea what the next few hours would bring, let alone the next few days or weeks.

The situation had gotten out of control, become infinitely more dangerous. She had to get out of here. She had to find Cruz so he could explain that message to her. She had to get out of here and away from Spence…to protect him. Being with him now could just as easily put him in the same danger she was potentially in right now. Yet, he didn't have what _they_ were looking for. She did. And Cruz. Nobody else. And that was why the situation had come to a head; quickly spiraling out of control. And that was the reason she was walking so fast, with so much focus. She had to leave _now_.

JJ fidgeted with the scarf around her neck, pulling it tighter. Sliding her hands back inside her coat pockets, she pulled the coat impossibly tighter around her frame, attempting to shield herself from the shiver travelling down her spine.

"JJ, please." Spencer repeated desperately, growing obviously frustrated with her.

"Look Spence, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come out tonight. I loved the invitation, and I meant to have a good time. I just…have a lot on my mind…" She replied finally.

"Clearly. But I want to know what it is. I want to help you."

JJ flinched a little at the sharpness of his words, but she smiled thinly.

"You can't."

"Let me try, please. I want to."

JJ shook her head in the negative.

"You know Spence there are always going to be some things I can't tell you, we've been over this."

"But it doesn't have to be that way."

"It does."

"JJ, come on. I'm tired of doing this verbal dance with you! What is going on? Is it…me." His last words coming out nervously.

Immediately JJ's face softened a little and she realized the extent of the damage her recent distantness had caused. She cursed herself for being so focused on protecting Spence, that she had forgotten about his low self-confidence.

"Of course not Spence. I _promise_ this has nothing to do with you. I'm _very _happy with you." JJ forced herself to smile, reaching her hand out of her coat and reassuringly intertwining her fingers with his.

"Then what has you so distracted? You barely said a thing all night. You kept checking your phone; you hardly watched the movies or even laughed…" He began to babble off a list of observations he had made throughout the night.

"Spence…someday we'll talk about it. I _want_ to talk to you about it. Honestly, it's killing me a little inside not to. But I _can't_. For reasons that are out of my control, I just can't tell you right now. Please, forgive me." She met his eyes, the emotion in them clear.

"I love you Spence, truly. That will never change" She added empathetically.

Spencer worried his bottom lip, eyeing JJ as he tried to read through her eyes. He still wasn't sure everything she was telling him was true, but he could see the love in her eyes. That was real. He was weak. He could worry about her, but he couldn't stay mad at her. He caved.

"Ok JJ, fine. I'll let you have this one. But if there is anything I can do to help you, anything at all…"

"I know Spence. Thank you. And thank you for caring so much."

When she smiled Spencer couldn't help but to smile back.

"You know I'd do just about anything for you JJ."

"Just about?" JJ asked playfully.

"Anything." Spencer restated firmly.

JJ chuckled, closing the space between them as she held his gaze. Their lips were just about to meet when the sound of frantic footsteps surrounded them. JJ was suddenly yanked forcefully backwards, a hand clamped to her mouth.

Spencer's eyes bulged, startled by the sudden attack. He barely had a chance to process JJ being violently pulled away by a dark masked figure when his vision went dark. The feel of rough burlap against his face, the fresh air of the cool outside replaced by stale, enclosed air attacked his senses. He heard a muffled scream about ten feet from him. _JJ._

Spencer tried to shout out, but his attempts were silenced by a hand pressed to his face. It soon became hard to breathe. An unexpected punch to the gut successfully incapacitated him enough to make him crumble to the ground. His arms were roughly pulled behind his back, cold metal encasing his wrists.

Spencer struggled, putting forth his best effort to fight. This earned him a hard blow to the side of his face. His head bounced off the concrete ground from the impact of the blow. He couldn't move now without feeling nauseous. As he was forced to his feet Spencer focused all of his concentration on remaining conscious. His head was swimming, he was going to vomit.

'_Don't vomit. You could suffocate_.' He implored himself.

He was thrown into the back of a vehicle, skinning his knees in the process on the unforgiving metal surface. He was no doubt in the back of a cliché dark van that almost all unsubs seemed to prefer.

His head was throbbing now as he came to rest on the floor of the vehicle, his body stretched out. He didn't dare move; the pain would be too much. He had to stay conscious and it was becoming harder by the moment. Suddenly there was a 'thump' beside him. It was a smaller, curvier body than his own. _JJ_.

She was still struggling, she refused to quit. Spencer heard an angry man's voice, but the voice echoed inside his skull, he couldn't make sense of it.

Then, in almost an instant, she stopped moving completely.

Spencer could hear one last faint whimper and then, nothing. His brain filled with worry for what had just been done to her, and Spencer forgot to focus on staying conscious.

When he woke up again he would be in hell.


	2. Drugs

**AN: Thank you for all of the great feedback so far! It is appreciated! I am posting another chapter now, and hopefully, another one later today. I will be writing and updating as time allows and today I have the time. I've decided to go with shorter chapters than what I might usually post; but that also means more frequent updates hopefully.**

Spencer awoke to an aching in his wrists and a throbbing in his head. The air around him was damp and musty. He could also hear breathing; he was not alone.

Slowly peeling his eyes open, Spencer blinked rapidly to try to clear his blurry vision. There wasn't much to see, the room was dark and poorly lighted. He was either in some sort of basement or underground bunker.

He was on his knees, his wrists chained and strung up above his head. It was a rather uncomfortable and very vulnerable position to be in.

Remembering the sounds of breathing, Spencer turned to the left to locate the source of the sound. He expected to see JJ. When he saw Mateo Cruz, chained in a similar position and clearly beaten, Spencer's eyes grew wide.

"Cruz?"

"Agent Reid." He replied evenly.

"What are you doing here?"

"You'll see soon enough." He said ominously. "The better question is how did _you _end up here?"

"I was…I was with JJ. We were walking back from a film festival when we were suddenly jumped by a group of men."

"Shit." Cruz cursed.

"What's going on?" Spencer asked nervously.

"I knew it would only be a matter of time before they got to her." Cruz muttered to himself.

"Why? What do they want with her?"

"This is not good." Cruz continued to mutter to himself.

He knew this day was on the horizon, but he thought they'd be better prepared. He didn't expect an attack so soon. He thought if anything, those men would die or be caught in the act first. But now that they had both him and JJ, and an innocent bystander, the situation had turned incredibly dangerous. Someone would surely die, and it would likely be the young genius beside him who would go first.

"Cruz! Where is JJ?!" Spencer shouted, trying to snap the section chief out of his current preoccupied state.

"I don't know." Cruz turned to Spencer, his face filled with worry. "But she'll be here soon."

"What's going on Cruz? Who are these people?"

"Has JJ told you anything? Anything at all about what she was doing when she left the BAU?" Cruz asked quickly, firmly. He needed to get as much information as possible. He needed to know what Reid knew before Askari came back so he could try to protect him.

"You…you mean while she was at the State Department? Nothing. She hasn't told me a thing. I know it bothers her, but she refuses to give me even the slightest detail." Spencer replied, now confused.

"Nothing at all?" Cruz asked, reiterating.

"No, nothing. Why?"

Cruz turned away, simply shaking his head. If Spencer Reid knew nothing, possessed nothing valuable, then he was a dead man. Askari wouldn't hesitate to kill him. He was collateral damage. At the wrong place at the wrong time. Pure bad luck.

"Please Cruz…give me _something_ to work with. All I know is JJ's been incredibly distant and worried all night. And now I know this has to do with the State Department. What is going on here?! You need me if we're going to get out of here!" Spencer tried his damndest to make his case, to get the section chief beside him to think rationally.

"We're not getting out of here. Not unless they want us to be found." Cruz muttered quietly.

Spencer felt a pit form in his stomach, but he tried to suppress it.

"These men are trained terrorists. They want information. Specifically, information that only JJ and I have. They will do _anything_ and I do mean _anything_ to get it. If we give it to them, our entire national security is threatened. Those, in a nutshell, are the stakes." Cruz said sternly, glancing at Spencer.

While vague, Spencer quickly tried to process what Cruz had said, and what it meant for each of them. He reached a couple of conclusions, but only had enough time to voice one as the sound of footsteps began to echo from outside.

"But I don't know anything Cruz, I swear."

Cruz sighed deeply, looking away again.

"I know."

Spencer felt the panic growing inside him as he easily concluded what this meant. But that panic proved to be nothing compared to the emotions he was about to experience.

The door to their room suddenly flung open and a large, very fit, middle-eastern man strode into the room. Spencer could feel the floor vibrate beneath his knees with every contact the man's boots made against the floor. It was very unnerving.

Behind him were two men, dragging a disheveled person into the room with them. This person had a burlap bag over their head, blonde hair cascading out from underneath it. It was JJ.

Spencer watched unblinking as she was dragged to a chair and slouched in it. She didn't fight, she didn't make a sound. She had been stripped of her jacket and scarf, but the rest of her clothes, right on down to her shoes, remained. Her arms were forced above her head as she was chained in much the same manner as the other prisoners.

Only once she was secure, was the bag removed from JJ's head. A gag was firmly in place around her head, keeping her quiet. She slowly tilted her head up, her eyes adjusting to the room. Her hair was tangled and matted, partially blocking her peripheral vision. Her eyes grew wide when she saw both Spencer and Cruz chained and on their knees. She breathed heavy, but made an obvious attempt at keeping her composure.

Turning her head to the left, JJ quickly lost it when she laid her eyes on Askari. She struggled violently, jolting around in her seat as she bit down hard on the gag in her mouth. She only stilled when Askari approached, placing a firm hand on her shoulder.

"If I were you…I would save your strength." He said threateningly.

JJ flashed an angry glare and stared him down defiantly. She would not show fear towards this man. He was dirt; she knew what he had done.

As Askari produced a syringe, JJ began to struggle all over again.

"No! Don't!" Spencer shouted without thinking, immediately reliving flashbacks to his capture with Hankel.

Askari glared at Spencer, but paid him no mind.

"Shut up." Cruz ground out through his teeth.

Spencer would've retorted, but he was too focused on what was happening with JJ. He watched as her sleeve was rolled up and the syringe plunged into a vein in her arm.

Spencer couldn't help but to see himself in that chair. Askari's face was replaced by Hankel's. All the pain, the suffering, the uncertainty he had felt came rushing back to him in a sudden wave. He could feel the warm fluid as it circulated through his veins. He knew what was sure to follow. The soothing, deceptive high, followed by despair and discomfort as the drug wore off. And the desire for more.

Spencer watched as JJ's head slowly began to sink to her chest, her eyes closing. He knew she was starting to experience that high. He also knew, sadly, the pain that was sure to follow.


	3. Waterboarding

**AN: Thank you again for the great feedback! It certainly helps to keep me pushing this story along. This chapter is a bit shorter and sticks VERY closely to the original episode. It was just easier and more practical for me to do it this way. The following chapters, starting with the next one, will start to have more noticeable deviations.**

Spencer counted every moment that JJ was unconscious. In part, it was to gauge the strength of the dosage of whatever they had given her. But sadly, it was also because there was little else he could do.

Askari, as Cruz had explained to him who the leader was, and his men had left and not returned since then. Cruz had also explained to him that Askari was every bit as dangerous as he looked. When some of the details began to scare him too much, Spencer put most of his focus back on the counting. His count reached precisely one hour and five minutes to the second, when Askari re-entered the room.

Spencer made a mental note of the different torture techniques that had so far been used, cataloging them for if and when they became relevant. First was the potential sensory deprivation of being in such an enclosed, dark room. Next were the drugs. Now, arguably, he could add sleep deprivation to the list. There was no way Askari was going to let any of them get more than an hour or so of sleep at a time, if his practiced torture techniques were as Cruz had explained.

Spencer tensed as he watched their captor stride straight to JJ. The man roughly grabbed JJ's chin in his right hand, his left gripping her hair, as he held her head turned sharply to the left. He seemed to be inspecting his work, sizing her up to see just how much the drugs were affecting her. When the pressure on her head became too much, JJ's eyes lulled open. She looked very disengaged.

Spencer shifted uncomfortably as he watched Askari teasingly stroke her chin as he removed his right hand. With the left still firmly gripping her hair, he forced her head straight as the other two men approached. In one quick motion JJ was quickly flung forward from the chair. She landed hard on her knees, whimpering, as she suddenly found herself in the same position as Spencer and Cruz. Her eyes were wide and she was clearly still disoriented from the drugs she had been given. The sudden movement had jostled her brain, making her feel nauseous.

As Askari walked up to her again, Spencer bit his tongue hard to keep from protesting. He remembered what Cruz had told him; do not draw attention to yourself.

That was proving increasingly hard to do however, with JJ being the clear focus of this man's torture. He couldn't bear to simply kneel there and do nothing as JJ was abused in front of him.

Deep down, Spencer knew this was part of Askari's strategy. That by torturing her in front of them, it would prove to be its own form of emotional and psychological torture for himself and Cruz.

Askari yanked JJ's hair roughly as he removed the gag from around her head.

"Let's wake you up a little, shall we?"

Spencer stole a look at Cruz, who looked equally as worried when one of Askari's men briefly left the room. When the man returned with a white bucket and a cloth, Cruz yanked at his bindings.

"Don't do this!"

"Shut up Cruz. You'll get yours soon enough." Askari yanked JJ's hair again, forcing her head back as the cloth was placed over her face. Spencer quickly realized what they intended to do to her.

"No…" He muttered under his breath. He gave a subtle tug at his bindings, hoping by some miracle that they would give way.

"Askari!" Cruz shouted, trying to get the man's attention.

"I would advise you to keep quiet Cruz, or I will make this worse for her." The man threatened.

Spencer's heart broke a little as Askari lifted the bucket and slowly began to pour the water over JJ's face. At first she simply whimpered a little. But as the simulated drowning became more prolonged she began to cough and struggle. Spencer fidgeted nervously, pulling at his chains as Askari continued, paying no mind to how long JJ had been under. Finally, the man paused. This gave JJ some respite, but the wet cloth remained over her face, severely restricting her ability to breathe. After a few seconds, Askari continued, not stopping until the bucket was empty. Then, and only then, did he remove the cloth and allow JJ to tilt her head forward.

JJ's head shot forward as she gasped desperately for breath. Her chest felt tight and constricted, it hurt to breathe. And yet every breath she took was currently saving her life. She spit out a mouthful of water as she continued to gasp for air. It felt like there was a pool of water forming in each one of her lungs, weighing them down.

Spencer watched as JJ's chest heaved desperately, her body furiously trying to receive the air it had so cruelly been refused. Water dripped from her hair and face, she spit out mouthfuls of the substance onto the floor in front of her.

Cruz watched JJ closely. He felt proud that she had been able to endure so far. She was a true fighter. But he felt sick to his stomach for what was to come for her, and for them, as a result of her fight. It wouldn't be long until Askari tried even more deadly and brutal tactics; on all of them.

Spencer ground his teeth together as Askari cupped JJ's chin, forcing her to look at him, refusing to show her any type of mercy.

"The sooner you give me the security codes, the sooner this can end." He told her firmly as she still wheezed for air.

_Security codes_. Now Spencer knew what they were after. At least, at the moment. The question was codes for what?

Cruz would know. Hell, if Spencer knew anything, he was sure that Cruz had to have the other half of the codes. It was the most basic security ploy. Split an entire code amongst at least two people so that no one person could betray vital information.

JJ and Cruz had the codes that would leak information. Information that would threaten national security. Codes that had major consequences if released. Codes that could not and would not be easily obtained. Yes, if anything the torture had only begun. These men were highly trained. If they were to get out of here, Spencer knew it could very well come down to someone from the outside rescuing them. And so far, if his calculations were correct, not enough time had even passed for someone to notice that three agents were missing.

Spencer's heart sank just as he heard Askari let out a pained yell. He looked over just in time to see the man brutally smack JJ across the face, causing her to let out a pained cry. As her head sank to the side and she whimpered, Askari stormed angrily from the room, holding his bleeding hand.

Spencer couldn't help to smirk just the slightest; _his_ JJ sure was a fighter.


	4. Upping the Ante

**AN: Warning, this chapter gets a bit dark and violent. It's nothing overly graphic, but a strong T rating is probably best for this one.**

"Cruz."

"What?" Mateo Cruz croaked. He was growing tired and hungry. It had been at least another thirty minutes since Askari had left to take care of his thumb.

"You have the other half of the codes, don't you?" Spencer asked.

"Matt, don't tell him." JJ spoke up from across the room, startling Spencer.

"JJ…" He began to protest.

"It's for your own protection." She replied earnestly.

"JJ, I'm trying to help you."

"Don't. There's nothing you can do." Her voice cracked a little.

"She's right Dr. Reid; it's for your own protection." Cruz added.

"So you _do _have them then?"

"It's not your burden to bear. I already told you, don't get involved and don't draw attention to yourself if you want to live."

"That's not good enough! What am I supposed to do? Wait here to die, watching as they torture you both to death?"

"Unfortunately, yes." JJ said quietly.

Her response cut him deep. This wasn't the woman Spencer thought he knew so well. This secret was so much bigger than he had even fathomed. The consequences, were so much more dire than he had anticipated.

"And if you give them what they want?" Spencer posed the question out of frustration.

"They have no more use for us. The longer we hold out, the better the chance we have." Cruz said knowingly.

"So in the meantime, we're punching bags?"

"Pretty much. Unless you're smart brain can find a way to get us out of these cuffs without drawing attention to yourself. Remember, you have nothing to give them. They only want the codes. If you try to trick them and they figure it out, you're dead in the blink of an eye." Cruz finished, the harshness of his words causing JJ to grimace.

"Go easy on him Matt; he's only trying to help."

"Well so am I. I'm trying to keep him alive. You know as well as me what they'll do to him knowing he's simply collateral. He needs to blend in."

Spencer glared at Cruz, but he knew the man was right. He knew what he was talking about. And so far every scenario, every plan Spencer had thought of in his mind, had led to an almost certainty of death for at least one of them. Deciding to switch his mental gears to something else, he turned to JJ.

"How are you, JJ?" He asked carefully.

"I'm fine Spence." She replied softly.

She appreciated that he cared, but the truth was she was scared out of her mind for him. She was still thinking about what Cruz had said. And she knew that eventually, Askari would come after Spencer; that he wouldn't hesitate to kill him. And if he did, then that would be on her. It would be her fault for putting him in that position to begin with.

"JJ are you…"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm ok." She finished before he could ask.

She turned her gaze in his direction, focusing her eyes on him as best as the darkness would allow. It was in that moment that Spencer found that he actually believed her. And for that, he was proud, a true admirer of her strength.

"We'll see how long that lasts for." Askari chuckled, entering from a door at the other end of the room.

This door was closer to Cruz and Spencer. Behind him he dragged a long, industrial strength, water hose. Cruz bowed his head, preparing himself for the next round of torture. Spencer stared straight on, observing the interaction between Askari and JJ.

"This is for that stunt you pulled you little bitch."

"Hurt, didn't it?" JJ taunted.

Askari glared at her but began to chuckle.

"I doubt you're going to find this very enjoyable, either."

With that he turned the head of the hose on, unleashing a hard, thick stream of cold water directly at JJ. He hosed down every inch of her, focusing particularly on JJ's face and head. The water stung on contact, biting at her skin. Her clothes clung to her as they became cold and water-logged. It soon became hard to breathe as Askari trained the stream unmercifully on her head.

JJ tried to tilt her head down, but it simply soaked her hair, causing it to become almost equally as suffocating. She tried to hide behind her strung up arm, anything to give her a temporary respite. The water bit at every inch of her, chilling her to the bone. JJ began to spew ice water from her mouth, unable to breathe.

Spencer watched as she struggled. Watched as the pigment of her skin became ghostly white as the heat left her body, reducing her skin's pigment. Her hair had turned dark and matted. JJ's head began to sink and Spencer was sure that she was about to pass out from a lack of oxygen. Turning to Cruz, praying he would do something, Spencer saw that the man had simply turned his gaze away, refusing to watch the torture.

Spencer felt a rage boil inside of him. He remembered everything Cruz had said, had warned him about. He recalled the beatings Cruz had explained he sustained for trying to fight back. But right now, none of that mattered. Because JJ was in trouble and this time, Askari seemed intent to have her on the edge of death, codes or no codes.

"That's enough!" Spencer shouted angrily at the man. Cruz's head shot up and his eyes grew wide.

"Reid! No!"

There was a desperate tone in Cruz's voice that told Spencer he had made a serious mistake. That Cruz had been holding back for some reason, and that Spencer had just compromised that reason. Spencer glanced over to where Askari stood, seeing a wicked smile on the man's face.

"I knew it was only a matter of time." He chuckled cryptically in his thick accent. "Time to join the fun."

Quickly, Askari turned to them, training the hose on the two men. A blast caught Spencer square in the face, just as he closed his eyes. It was in that moment, that Spencer officially joined in JJ's misery. Like her, he struggled to breathe as he felt his internal temperature drop. He earned more of a reprieve than JJ, only in that Askari was alternating between himself and Cruz, giving both men a few extra seconds to catch their breaths between soakings. It seemed to go on forever, until finally the squeak of the hose signaled that it was over.

The room was filled with the sounds of labored breathing and dripping water. Spencer spit water from his mouth, gasping for his breath as he stared at the floor.

Mentally, he realized that while he had both a shirt and sweater vest on, that it would actually take longer to dry, meaning it would take longer for his body to warm. They were all at risk of hypothermia, but Spencer's layers of cotton made his plight doubly more dangerous in this aspect. In a way, scientifically speaking, he would almost be better off if he were naked, not that he was actually wishing for that.

Spencer groaned when strong fingers roughly gripped at his scalp, forcing his head up.

"You thought I forgot about you, didn't you?" Askari spat, looking darkly into Spencer's eyes.

"On the contrary, I was simply giving you a little preview of what you're in for. You see, while I know these two can handle at least some of what I can dish out…you my scrawny friend, I have serious doubts about."

"I'm an FBI agent, just like them." Spencer muttered, between breaths.

"Yes, that you are." Askari chuckled. "But clearly it's more for your brains than your brawn."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Spence…don't…" JJ gasped. Her eyes were still closed and her head was tilted to the floor, but she could hear his voice.

"Well, let's see…" Askari drew his hand back and punched Spencer hard in the cheek.

Spencer's head shot back violently, but he bit his lip to keep from making a sound.

"Well, you can take _a _punch." Askari chuckled. "Let's see how long that lasts."

He immediately fired two punches to Spencer's gut and another to his face in rapid succession. Like a boxer, he began to pummel Spencer, showing no mercy. At first Spencer was relatively numb to it, his body still freezing from the water. But as the punches became harder and more repetitive, the damage increased and so did the pain.

"Stop! Askari, stop!" JJ cried out.

"Give me the codes!" He shouted back, throwing another punch.

When JJ didn't answer he turned to her.

"No?" Askari fired a hard right directly to Spencer's nose. Blood immediately poured down the front of Spencer's vest as he let out a painful cry.

"Oh yeah, that one hurt didn't it?" Askari taunted, firing another left to Spencer's ribs.

Seeing the man beside him struggling for breath and beginning to lose consciousness, Cruz knew he had to draw Askari's attention away from him.

"That's enough you bastard! You've made your point!" Cruz spat.

"And yet you're still talking! And not giving me my codes!"

"And you'll never get them!" Cruz fired back.

"Oh, I think we're making great progress, actually." Askari fired one more punch to Spencer's face, effectively sending him to the edge of unconsciousness.

"I think he lasted longer than you did, Cruz." Askari chuckled.

"Want to bet?"

"Oh Matt, why do you think taunting me will work? I was going to give you a turn now anyway. Poor Agent Jareau over there looks like she needs a little break before we play again anyway."

Cruz turned to look at JJ just as his right cheekbone was met by a bruising fist.

"See what you're doing to your friends Agent Jareau?! Their pain is on you!"

JJ closed her eyes, thankful the water dripping from her hair helped mask the silent tears pouring from her eyes. Cruz's groans of pain echoed throughout the room as Askari beat him just as he had done to Spencer.


	5. Electrocution

Spencer wasn't sure how long he had been passed out, but when he came to the pain was almost unbearable. And the cold was unyielding. Immediately he shuttered, his teeth chattering together. The shutter sent a new wave of pain throughout his body.

His head felt like someone had taken a hammer to it. His face, while somewhat numb, felt bruised and swollen. His nose was broken, his left eye almost swollen shut. There was a sharp pain in his rib cage every time he took a breath or shook from the cold, meaning he was constantly in pain. The rest of his body, the parts that he could feel, felt like one giant ache.

Spencer slowly turned his stiff neck to the right, checking on JJ. Her head was bowed and her eyes were closed. He could see her chest slowly rising and falling, so Spencer was comforted to the fact that she was simply trying to get some much needed rest.

Turning back, Spencer looked to his left. Mateo Cruz looked to be in pretty bad shape. If he didn't know any better, Spencer would've guessed that he had been beaten to within an inch of his life. Cruz looked like he was literally barely hanging on, his weight putting an incredible amount of strain on his suspended wrists as he was too weak to kneel like he had been.

"Is she sleeping?" Cruz slurred quietly without looking up.

"Yes, I believe so."

"Good." Cruz said simply.

Spencer studied the man beside him for a moment, unsure of how to fill the silence. He couldn't help but to feel at least partially responsible for the beating they had both been treated to.

"Uh, Agent Cruz, listen…I'm so-"

"Don't apologize."

"But I-"

"It wasn't your fault. It was only a matter of time before Askari changed tactics. You did what you had to…to help JJ."

Spencer swallowed down some remnants of water in his mouth. He would've nodded if he didn't know how much it would hurt.

"Listen…Reid…we need to talk and we need to do this quick…before Askari comes back."

"Ok…" Spencer replied cautiously.

Cruz took a deep breath. What he was about to say would be difficult for Reid to hear. But the man had a right to know, particularly if their situation continued to get worse. Even though it technically wasn't his place to tell, it was JJ's secret, it was the right thing to do.

"Reid, you should know…"

The door flung open and Askari entered with two of his men again. One of them was carrying a laptop, the other wheeled in a cart covered with items.

"Please, don't stop talking because I'm here. You had something you were saying Cruz?"

Cruz glared at the man but said nothing.

"Stubborn fool." Askari shook his head, turning and walking towards JJ.

Spencer followed the man's movement. He watched as JJ's body shook violently from the cold. Askari cupped her face, lifting her chin delicately.

"You look cold, Agent Jareau."

JJ met his eyes but remained silent. Spencer hated the way he repeatedly cupped JJ's chin the way he did. It wasn't sexual. No, it was purely psychological. It showed that Askari was in control, he was dominant in the situation and JJ was effectively submissive to him. It was very subtle, but it worked. Askari turned to one of his men as the man brought over a bucket and what looked like a car battery.

"Let's warm you up a little, shall we?"

Spencer tugged at his restraints, watching as Askari dipped a sponge attached to a jumper cable into the bucket and pulled it back up.

JJ's breathing became labored, her posture rigid as the offending object was brought towards her. With a sizzling sound, the sponge was pressed to JJ's ribcage. JJ clenched her teeth, her body spasmed as pain coursed through her body.

"How is that? Better Agent Jareau?" Askari taunted before apply the device to her torso again.

JJ clenched her teeth together impossibly tighter, grinding on her molars as she tried her damndest not to cry out from the excruciating pain. Spencer turned away, unable to watch anymore as she was electrocuted. Tears streamed out of his eyes as he heard another sizzle, causing JJ to cry out this time. He shut his eyes tight, but the images remained, the sounds became louder. Soon it became too much and JJ was screaming from the overwhelming pain.

Spencer bit through his lip, drawing blood. He knew in the name of self –preservation that he should keep his mouth shut. But he just couldn't stand to do _nothing_. He cared about JJ too much. If he could draw Askari's attention, even for just a few minutes to give JJ a break, even if it meant enduring his own excruciating pain, he had to do it.

"That's enough you coward!" Spencer yelled at the man.

"Reid, what are you doing?" Cruz asked.

"Trying to save her!"

"That's not smart. I told you, you're expendable. He _will_ kill you."

"Want a turn Agent? Want to see what this feels like?" Askari said with a smile, holding up the sponge.

"Do-don't…" JJ stuttered as the remaining electrical charges continued to pass through her veins, making her extremities numb.

Askari turned quick and pressed the sponge hard into JJ's side. She let out a blood curdling scream as she felt her flesh burn.

"That should keep you quiet for a few minutes." Askari said once he had removed the sponge.

JJ saw darkness on the edges of her vision. Her whole body hurt, felt weak. If she weren't strung up by her wrists, propped on her knees, she would be slumped over right now. She didn't know if she could take another hit right now, and selfishly, deep down, she was almost grateful that Spencer had drawn Askari's attention away from her, even if only temporarily.

"Ever been electrocuted, Agent?" Askari asked, circling him as he removed the sponge from Spencer's view.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Answer me! Or she gets another one!" Askari leaned over Spencer's shoulder and shouted into his ear.

Cruz turned away, turning his gaze to the floor. He knew Spencer was about to find himself in over his head. And there was little he could try to do right now to stop it.

Suddenly, without warning, electricity shot through Cruz's body at a torrid level, taking his breath away and burning his body as he cried out from the pain.

"Hurt's, doesn't it Cruz? I don't think this skinny prick knows what he's in for." Askari taunted, staring Spencer in the eye.

"I can always go back to Agent Jareau if you think you've had a change of heart…"

"No." Spencer said as confidently as he could muster.

"You're sure? Because I sure do like it when she screams." Askari said with a chuckle.

"I can handle it." Spencer held the unsub's gaze.

"Famous last words. We'll see what you say after a couple of turns…"

Spencer told himself he wasn't going to scream. He wouldn't give Askari that satisfaction. But by the time the sponge was applied to his thin frame for a second time, that plan had gone out the window. After a few more times, Spencer's body gratefully accepted the reprieve from the pain when unconsciousness enveloped him.

When Askari was done, he motioned for his friends to pack up the supplies, but to leave the laptop. As he reached the door he paused, turning back into the room.

"If you don't talk when I come back Agent Jareau… I _will_ kill him." He said, pointing a finger at Spencer.

With that, he slammed the door shut behind him.

JJ continued to shake but with tears in her eyes she briefly met Cruz's eyes. His eyes looked sad, sympathetic. But what he saw in hers, physical pain, mental despair, and a pleading look for them to somehow save Reid, gave Cruz a new idea. He knew what he had to do. For JJ, he would do it. Lord knew she deserved it after what she had been through. He cared very much for JJ, and right now, there was only one true way for him to show it…


	6. Five Seconds

**AN: Thank you all, again, for the reviews, follows, and favorites. As I said before it helps to motivate! This chapter is a strong T for violence, but I'm sure many of you could've already guessed that. This chapter uses some lines from the actual episode. I know there are a lot of 200 fics out there, so I'm sorry if some of this seems repetitive; I already had this written and it would've taken too much for me to change it now. Please enjoy.**

"Reid! Spencer Reid wake up!" Mateo Cruz shouted.

Spencer stirred a little, but didn't wake.

"Come on! Wake up! Now!" Cruz leaned over and shouted at him.

Finally Spencer's eyes snapped open. Immediately he groaned at the pain he felt. His extremities were on fire, his shoulders burned from supporting his arms above his head for so long. His clothes had dried some but he still felt incredibly cold. How he felt was pure misery. In his mind he cursed Cruz for rousing him from the painless state he had previously been in.

"Listen to me Reid. Reid, focus!" Cruz implored him as Spencer's head lulled to the side and his vision remained blurry. He was in a fog-like trance that was full of pain. Cruz's shouting wasn't doing anything to help matters.

"Reid, it's imperative that I tell you this now!" Cruz continued.

He knew Askari would be back any minute. If he didn't get to say what he needed to, then Reid would be dead, and he had internally promised himself that he wouldn't let that happen, for JJ. He had wanted to tell Spencer something else prior to that, but now it hardly seemed to matter; this was far more important.

"Ok, ok, I'm listening." Spencer mumbled, hoping it would make Cruz stop shouting.

"Alright, lean towards me then."

"Matt, what are you doing?" JJ asked suspiciously.

Cruz shot her a look but remained quiet. He began to whisper to Spencer when the man suddenly pulled away.

"No! No…I don't want to know…" He murmured somewhat frantically.

"Matt?" JJ said with more concern in her voice.

"Listen to me Reid. I have to tell you this."

Spencer shook his head.

"No, don't."

"It will save your life…for now anyway."

"Don't tell me…it's not my place to know."

"It is now…the situation has changed. It always had to be this way." Cruz said, his voice trailing off quietly.

"Matt, tell me what you are doing right now!" JJ demanded.

Cruz ignored her, leaning back towards Spencer even as the man stubbornly tried to tilt away.

"Don't be thick I'm doing you a favor!" Cruz shouted in frustration.

"I can't let you do this…" Spencer finally said very quietly.

"I know you think what you're trying to do is noble, but trust me."

"Why? Why me? Why now?"

Cruz took a breath, but shook his head.

"You have to tell me why you're doing this or I won't listen."

"I'm doing it for JJ." Cruz finally said with a deep sigh.

"You're doing what for me?"

Cruz took another deep breath. He glanced over at JJ, a sad, accepting look in his eye.

"Saving Reid's life the only way possible."

It took a long moment for JJ's brain to think clearly and process what Cruz meant. When it had finally dawned on her just what he meant, it was already too late. He was whispering in Spencer's ear.

"Matt…no! There must be another way. Please Matt, no." JJ began to plead almost frantically.

Both men ignored her as Cruz finished passing the vital information on to Spencer. When it was done, Cruz looked at JJ one more time, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

"I'm sorry JJ, I had to. I had to give him a chance. I know you love him."

Spencer simply stared at the floor, committing Cruz's words to memory even as he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for doing so.

"But Matt you could…and I…we…"

"Have been through so much, I know. But it's the right thing to do. It gives us all, but particularly him, the best chance to survive."

JJ shook her head, unable to accept what had just happened, what it all meant. Why did this have to happen? Why did it have to be this way?

JJ's thoughts were cut short by Askari returning to the room. She groaned, her breathing automatically turning heavily as her body tried to prepare for the next onslaught of torture.

Askari stared at her for a long moment. With a slight motion of his head, he directed one of his men to grab Reid.

"No…no, no , no…what are you doing?" JJ looked frantically to where the man was about to unhook Spencer's restraints.

Askari simply smiled.

"I told you what would happen…your friend is no longer of use to me."

"Stop…stop!" JJ pleaded as she watched the man roughly grab Spencer by the hair.

"He knows Askari!" Cruz spoke up suddenly.

Everybody froze for a moment, waiting for Askari's response.

"You're bluffing Cruz. Even you would not be that stupid."

"I'm not bluffing. I just told him…didn't I JJ?"

Askari turned his attention to JJ. She looked away, bowing her head so he couldn't see the tears that threatened to fall.

"It's true." Spencer finally said quietly, his voice barely a whisper. He knew that by admitting this he was almost certainly signing Cruz's death sentence.

"How am I to believe this is true? What proof would I have unless he was to actually tell me?" Askari seemed to pause for a moment, considering his options. "What if he forgets?"

"I have an eidetic memory." Spencer replied somberly.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"He can't forget." Cruz spat. "Come on Askari. We both know you've always had something against me, always wanted me dead. Now is your chance."

"I find it amusing you want to die Cruz. Noble, perhaps. Or incredibly misguided…and maybe even a little selfish."

"We both know he'd be easier to break than me." Cruz offered.

"Perhaps. But again, the safer option would just be to keep you. After all, I _know_ you have the information. He may not."

Cruz opened his mouth to say something, but he held back. There wasn't much else he could say. He had to be very delicate if Askari were to accept this sudden surprise. Clearly the easiest and smartest option was still to kill Reid, but at least now the option of keeping Reid alive was on the table.

"I know how to find out. Grab his hand." Askari directed the man near Spencer.

The man did as he was told and nodded.

"Are you telling the truth?" He asked Spencer.

"Yes."

Askari stared at him, gauging him.

"Break his finger." Askari ordered.

"No!" JJ shouted as a loud crack filled the room.

Spencer let out an anguished cry as he shifted violently against his restraints.

"Do you have the codes?"

"Yes!" Spencer shouted painfully.

Askari shook his head.

"You'll have to do better than that. Break another one."

"No…no…." Spencer pleaded desperately just as the man dislocated his right pointer finger.

Spencer let out another loud wail of despair as his hand throbbed.

"You have the codes?!"

"Yes, I have the codes!" Spencer spat out fiercely.

"You're not lying?!"

"No!"

"Tell me them then and this will end!"

"I can't…I promised…" Spencer whimpered, preparing himself for the pain another finger would have to endure.

Askari chuckled incredulously, waving his man away.

"I can't believe it. You really are that stupid Cruz. Why? Do you think I really won't kill you?! Are you trying to test me?!"

"I know my fate." Cruz muttered. "It was determined for me as soon as you brought me here."

"Well now, that is true." Askari nodded his head and the man moved to Cruz, unhooking him.

"Son of a bitch!" JJ shouted as they began to drag Cruz out of the room.

"You have five seconds to give me what I want." Askari said to JJ.

"No, don't do this."

"It's ok JJ…goodbye…"

"No Matt…no!"

"5…4…3…"

"You kill him your plan is ruined! Stop counting!" JJ tried desperately.

"2…1…"

"Please! No!"

A loud gunshot echoed from outside the room, and then silence.

JJ couldn't hold it in anymore. She began to sob.

Askari watched her with some amusement as Spencer looked on in stunned silence. He was in shock. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Mateo Cruz was dead. And if it weren't for Cruz, that would've been him. What did he do to deserve to live and for Cruz to take his place?

Spencer watched distantly as JJ was lowered to the ground. She lay on her side, sobbing for her lost friend. She was near hysterics, her eyes were unseeing.

If Spencer didn't already feel so guilty, he would've cried for her. But right now, he was simply too numb.


	7. Mental Cracks

**AN: This chapter is incredibly short. It's kind of a 'bridge' chapter if you will. The next few that follow will be some of the longest yet, however. It just kind of had to be this way. The next chapter will be up soon.**

Spencer knew JJ was nearly broken; emotionally anyway.

She had been sobbing for quite awhile and even worse she was hallucinating, talking to herself. He couldn't make out everything she said, but he could make out bits and pieces.

She was talking to Emily, talking about being rescued. But Spencer knew that Emily was in London; it wasn't possible.

Then JJ was talking to Cruz; apologizing to him, begging him to forgive her. Spencer knew this was a psychological attempt by her brain to heal her as a result of what had happened.

Lastly, she talked about being broken, about how it was over. How it was time to stop. How she couldn't go on anymore.

This one hurt Spencer the most. He couldn't blame JJ for wanting to give up, after everything she had been through and witnessed, but it killed him inside just the same. And, selfishly, he couldn't help but to allow a small part of himself wonder if she had given up on him. He wondered if she were truly so far gone that he just didn't matter anymore, that nothing did. He tried to talk to her, to console her, but his attempts fell on deaf ears. Her grief was currently too great.

So Spencer simply kneeled there and watched her, doing so being almost more painful than anything he had currently endured physically. He was so close to her, and yet he couldn't reach out and hug her like he wanted to. She was so close, and yet so far away.

/

Spencer spaced out, he was no longer able to keep what he felt was an accurate sense of time.

The cold had seeped in, settling beneath his skin, even if his clothes were merely damp now. That, combined with the continued lack of food and all other forms of sensory deprivation, had led to his current state of mental decline.

If he were to form an educated hypothesis, then he guessed they had been held in this room for close to twenty-four hours now. Knowing what he knew and had observed about Askari, Spencer was sure that one way or another, everything would be over soon.

Askari reentered the room a few minutes later, carrying a gun this time. He pushed the table on which the laptop was positioned, closer to where JJ was laying. Bending down, he grabbed her by the hair and forced her into a seated position.

"Ready to give me your code yet? Or do I need to inflict more pain?"

JJ stared at the screen blankly, hesitating, watching almost in a trance as the icon blinked.

Spencer studied her. He wanted to encourage her not to give in, more because he didn't want to admit that they had broken her like he knew they had. He didn't want to admit that the woman he loved, the indestructible Jennifer Jareau, had her own breaking point just like everyone else. He also realized that if she caved, finally giving them what they wanted, that Askari could kill her.

JJ hesitated for another minute, bowing her head. When she looked up again, her hands moved to the keyboard.

Spencer closed his eyes and turned away.

"Codes are authentic." Askari's tech man said, sending a chill down Spencer's spine.

The ball was firmly in his court now. It was completely up to him whether these men got the codes they wanted.

It was then that Spencer realized just the situation Cruz had set him up for. And yet, if Cruz was willing to do that, then maybe he knew something. Maybe Cruz recognized that Spencer would do absolutely _anything_ for JJ. And now, in this moment, as Askari cocked his gun and aimed it at JJ's head, it would save her life.

"I guess I don't need you anymore." He said as JJ's eyes grew wide and she shifted nervously, suddenly realizing her grave mistake.

"You kill her and I won't talk. No matter what you do to me." Spencer spoke confidently, leaving no doubt in his voice as he stared down Askari.

What Askari uttered next caught Spencer completely off guard. It came directly out of leftfield. Spencer would find himself never more surprised in his life, than he was about to be in that moment.

"Your code now…or this time…she loses more than a baby."


	8. JJ's Secret

**AN: Yes, I decided to stick with the 'JJ was pregnant' reveal. It was a major plotline in the actual episode, one of the few twists that truly did surprise me. Because there is no Will in this story, things will be different. Hopefully this is well received, but I will say this was one of the major ideas I came up with when I first considered doing this story. It's a bit original (hopefully). Feedback is appreciated. Warnings for some minor adult content and a few mature words.**

Spencer's mind sputtered.

_He_ must be the one hallucinating now. He must be the one who was hearing things. There was no way possible that what Askari had just said was true. It was impossible, wasn't it?

'This time she loses more than a _baby_?! JJ was pregnant? When? How? Well, he knew how scientifically, but who's?' Spencer had so many questions running through his mind. He couldn't focus on just one.

He was completely and utterly in mental shock. He didn't even see JJ's reaction. He couldn't even bring himself to look at her, because she had never told him.

Not that she _had _to, but she _should_ have. And not only had she been pregnant, but she had _miscarried_. One of the worst emotional experiences a woman could ever endure. And yet, somehow, JJ had been able to keep it a secret, from every one; her friends, her family as far as he knew, the team, _him_.

This was, potentially, the most devastating and life-altering statement Spencer had ever heard in regards to JJ. And in a way, he felt greatly betrayed; angry even. All this time he thought they were close, he thought he knew almost everything about her, like she did him, and then this bombshell was dropped.

Now, though he knew it wasn't really the time or place, he found himself questioning just how much he could trust her. If everything he thought he knew and believed about her, had simply been a lie. She was always good with manipulation; it was part of her job. But now, Spencer couldn't help but wonder if she had been manipulating him, using him.

Had she cheated on him?

The timeline of their relationship, beginning primarily upon JJ's return from the State Department told him no. And yet, there was still that doubt, that feeling of betrayal, buried in the back of his mind.

JJ, for her part, couldn't bring herself to look at Spencer either. The fact that he now knew, piled on to the emotional pain that she already felt.

What would he think? How did he feel?

He must hate her for never telling him.

He may hate her even more when he finds out exactly what happened, when he puts together the chronology of the whole event. Because now it was clear; her biggest personal secret was out. There would be no taking it back.

But right now, more than the pain and the embarrassment, JJ felt anger boil inside of her. Askari had hit a nerve. A nerve that told her just how much she had truly been betrayed, by someone she had trusted.

"How do you know that? How did you know I was pregnant?" Her voice cracked but JJ suddenly felt more mentally focused than she had in the last hour. Her trance was snapped and now all she felt was anger.

When Askari didn't answer, JJ continued.

"We never told anyone!"

Still, there was no response.

"Enough…that's enough…come out!"

"Who are you talking to?" Askari asked.

"Not you, I'm talking to your boss." JJ sniffled. "Come out and face me you coward!"

Almost immediately the door opened, and a handsome man walked in with a smug, cocky look on his face.

Spencer immediately sized the man up. He could tell this man was the mastermind of the whole operation, the true dominant. And, by the way the man's eyes locked on to JJ, that she had specifically been his target all along. This wasn't simply about codes or national security, somehow, someway, this was more personal than just that.

Spencer felt a new wave of nerves hit him as he read JJ's body language and realized the true strain of the situation. She was trying to put on a strong front, but as she hesitantly faced the man who was eyeing her over, a silly smirk forming on his face, Spencer knew this very well could end terribly.

"How did you know?" Hastings asked JJ curiously.

"Askari couldn't possibly have known I was pregnant. I didn't tell anyone, I only told Matt." JJ said, fighting back tears and speaking through a weak, shaky voice.

"It was right before you came and gave me that message from the BAU. How long were you listening before you approached?"

When Hastings didn't answer, JJ pushed on.

"I was right about there being an inside man."

"And look what it cost you." Hastings retorted with another smirk.

"You can threaten to kill me. Spencer won't give you what you want." JJ said with all the strength and courage she could muster.

She hated to put the focus on him, but now she had no choice. This was it. There was no more hiding, no more protecting, the end was here. Whatever was going to happen would happen. Either they would both live, or they wouldn't.

"Ah, yes, Spencer is it?" Hastings turned and chuckled, walking over to where Reid was now seated.

"Funny that Cruz would sacrifice his life for you. I'm curious as to what his motivation was for doing that. Did he owe you his life?"

Spencer met Hastings eyes but didn't respond.

"No? Is it because Cruz was nothing more than a coward?!" Hastings spat, causing Spencer to flinch, his eyes becoming dark at the insult that had just been directed towards the man who had saved his life.

"Or…is it because he knows how much Agent Jareau cares for you, and Cruz cared about _her_ so much…"

Spencer still remained quiet.

"After all, you two were about to kiss when we grabbed you…weren't you?" Hastings said with another smirk, taunting them.

"Who are you?" Spencer murmured under his breath.

"Who am I?" Hastings chuckled, shooting a look at JJ from over his shoulder.

"My name…is Michael Hastings. And I was on Agent Cruz's little task force. You see myself, Askari, Cruz, Jareau…we were all working together helping to hunt down Osama Bin Laden."

Spencer tried to keep his face neutral, but the surprise on his face was still evident.

JJ had been to Afghanistan.

She had been doing classified work, which helped explain, a little, why she was so secretive about her year away from the BAU, why she had seemed different when she came back.

It also revealed how these four people had known each other; the level of betrayal and deceit that had occurred. It told Spencer that he truly had been an innocent bystander right up until the moment Cruz had made Spencer take his place in this little game. Otherwise, he truly would be dead right now, without a doubt.

"You seem surprised, _Spencer_?"

When Spencer opened his mouth but said nothing, Hastings laughed.

"Left you speechless huh? Yeah, Jareau has a way of doing that." Hastings said with a chuckle.

"You think this is funny?" JJ spoke bitterly.

"I find it amusing, yes. Because Jennifer, for a man who you are supposedly close to, you have been keeping an _awful_ lot of secrets from him. But then again…you always were the secretive one now weren't you?"

"Shut up."

"I think it's time some of your secrets were revealed Jennifer, don't you? Seems only fair that if you are willing to let a man die for you, asking a _second man_ to risk his life for you, that he should only know the _whole _truth."

JJ shuttered, closing her eyes and bowing her head. Spencer stared forward attentively, attempting to get a firm understanding of what was happening.

"You see, _Spencer_, Jareau here didn't exactly behave herself when she was in Afghanistan. I don't know if she was horny, or just lonely, but she liked to fool around a bit." Hastings began.

"That's not true!" JJ spat furiously.

Spencer felt a lump forming in his throat as he realized where this was going. He began to shake again as he became painfully aware of how cold he once again felt.

"She became pregnant while she was in our little task force. Care to explain to your friend how that happened? Or should I?" Hastings challenged.

JJ swallowed down the bile in her throat as she took a deep, shaky breath. She knew this was something she had to tell him. That ultimately it was her responsibility, not Hastings, to explain what had happened. Still, as she began to speak, she was unable to meet Spencer's penetrating gaze. She felt too embarrassed, too vulnerable.

"We had a lead; it seemed legitimate at the time. On my advice, a military team was sent to retrieve a young girl to help coax information out of her mother. Everything seemed to be going fine…"

"But it wasn't fine was it? You sent them into a trap!" Hastings hollered.

"Only because you betrayed us! You both did! You leaked information that told them we were coming!" JJ replied angrily.

"But you didn't know that at the time. Those men's deaths…the failure of that mission…was firmly on you." Hastings followed.

JJ bowed her head again, choking back a sob. When she didn't speak, Hastings continued.

"So then Cruz follows you out of the tent, tries to console you, because he just cared about you _so much_. And if you ever go to Afghanistan Spencer, you'll find it can be a _very_ lonely place, with a distinct lack of attractive women."

JJ began to shake her head from side to side, the memories rushing back to her.

"_Hey, JJ, this wasn't your fault." Cruz said, placing a hand on her shoulder. _

"_I was wrong Matt! I was wrong! And because of that they're all dead, and we're back to square one." JJ shook her head, holding back tears, trying not to appear as vulnerable, as hurt, as she felt right now. _

"_Hey, come on now. Tomorrow's another day. We'll start again. We'll do better. This is not the first time I've had something like this happen. Unfortunately, it probably won't be the last." He said, pulling her into a comforting embrace. _

"_I don't know if I can do this Matt. This isn't me. This isn't what I expected. I think you should send me home." JJ replied, slowly pulling away, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. _

"_You know I can't do that. You're the best person I have. Your tactics are flawless. You connect with the female captives in a way that Hastings never could. This mission may have been a failure, but the progress you have helped produce has been invaluable." Cruz said confidently. _

_When JJ tried to look away, he gently grabbed her chin, turning her to him. _

"_I mean it JJ, truly. You've been great. I need you." _

_JJ forced herself to meet his eyes. They looked warm and caring. She could see that he truly meant what he said. _

_But she could also see something else. Something, a certain empathy, she hadn't seen in a long time. Something she was desperately missing. It was completely different from how some of the men in camp leered at her. This was genuine. _

_Cruz finally broke his gaze, his fingers gently caressing her chin as he released it. JJ didn't know what had come over her, but the words left her mouth before she could stop them. _

"_Would you walk me back to my tent?" She offered. _

"_Absolutely. I wouldn't want to leave you alone with your thoughts. You probably won't sleep. Like I said, I've been there. I'll keep you company for a while." Cruz replied kindly. _

"_Thank you." JJ said with appreciation. _

"Cruz went back to your tent with you." Hastings continued his voice almost gleeful.

Spencer closed his eyes, turning his head away. He didn't want to hear anymore. He already knew where this was going. And now, with the blanks progressively being filled in, Spencer realized the true devastating impact that was Cruz's death.

There had been something there. Even if they hadn't had a true relationship, JJ and Cruz had been intimate, and that was a connection that had always remained.

And now through it all Spencer couldn't help but to realize just how much JJ's life had twisted and turned when she left the BAU. So much had happened in that one year, it was no wonder she had changed so much.

Spencer tried to block out Hastings' words, but he heard every single sound. He could almost feel the emotional torment the man was now putting JJ through, the things he was making her relive in front of the entire room.

Spencer dared to steal a glance at JJ from the corner of his eye. Tears were streaming down her face, pooling on the floor in front of her.

"He went back to the tent with you, didn't he?!" Hastings yelled at her.

JJ shook her head from side to side a little.

"Don't lie Jareau! I saw you! I followed you from a distance! I watched the lights in the tent dim. I sat there, drinking, relaxing, and watching from a distance for more than an hour!" Hastings cackled.

"Stop." JJ mumbled, more to her brain than to him as more flashbacks hit her.

She was suddenly back in that tent. Back to when their lips first met. Leading, gradually, to clothes being removed. JJ shook her head furiously, at the image of Cruz's naked body between her legs as they lay on top of her uncomfortable little cot.

"Yeah…you had yourself a good time that night. Cruz did too. So much fun, in fact, that it got you pregnant." Hastings chuckled.

Spencer flinched, his heart breaking for JJ.

"It was only that one night. There was never anyone else…" JJ mumbled, praying that Spencer heard her, that he would understand, even if it really didn't matter anymore.

"And yet, it was one hell of a lucky shot. That…or both of you are, _were,_ pretty damn fertile." Hastings smiled sinisterly.

JJ wiped her eyes, lifting her head a little as the rage began to build up again.

"And then you heard everything! You heard me tell Cruz! But you didn't care! You set us up so that our convoy would be attacked!" JJ spat angrily as her voice cracked.

"Hey, I did you both a favor! I saw the look of utter shock on his face when you told him. I know you both were thinking about what the implications were. Leader of the task force fucking his pretty little blonde helper, that would've gone over _real well_ once Strauss found out. You could say…I helped save both of your careers in a way…"

"That wasn't your call! It wasn't right for you to put us, to put _me_, into that situation! Yes, being pregnant was an unexpected surprise, but I had the right to choose! I was absolutely devastated when Matt told me I had miscarried!" JJ wailed painfully.

Spencer grimaced. His heart felt like it was shattered. He wished JJ had been able to open up to him. He wished that he could've been there to help her grieve, help her recover. Instead, he had been completely oblivious. And now, for the first time, he understood the real pain that JJ had endured. Why she had become even more guarded, edgier, than she had been in the past.

"And yet…here we are." Hastings finished.

"What's done is done." He said unsympathetically. "And now, Spencer, you know the whole story. You know exactly what Jennifer, did for the State Department. What she did, what she lost, for her country. And now you know why it is truly amazing that despite all this, she is still willing to suffer, to give up more, when it is simply time for her to stop trying."

"She's the strongest person I know! I can't imagine the pain she has felt. But if anything it makes me even more proud of her. It makes me appreciate her even more! I would, I will, do anything for her." Spencer spoke confidently, honestly.

He saw JJ's head lift a little, her eyes growing more hopeful. He had said exactly what she needed to hear. He didn't hate her. He still loved her. And he was still willing to do whatever he could to protect her. He had her back, even after all the secrets she had kept from him. She couldn't believe she was so lucky to have such a loyal friend.

"It's over Michael. You can't win." JJ said, preparing herself for whatever was to come next.


	9. Threats

**AN: Here's the next chapter. It seems interest in this story is waning a little. Hopefully everyone is still enjoying it! I'm kind of torn between keeping this somewhat more simple and ending it in a few more chapters, or being more adventurous and extending it out further. I'm pretty undecided at this point. Thank you to those of you who have been reviewing and private messaging me; I do read them all and they do keep me going!**

Hastings paced around the room, pondering his next move. He had to get the second half of the codes, they were wasting time. Turning, he made a slow descent to JJ's captive position, causing her to tense.

"He won't give you the codes. Especially not now that he knows the whole story. What Cruz died for, what you put me through!" JJ spat as she looked over her shoulder.

She quickly swallowed down a large gulp of fear as she felt Hastings hovering threateningly over her.

"She's right." Askari said darkly, hovering behind Spencer.

Spencer felt his breath catch, trying to ready himself for a potential sudden attack from the torturer positioned behind him.

"Don't I know it." Hastings said with a sigh.

Making his way to the chains, he gave a hard tug, roughly pulling JJ up to a standing position. She groaned as the sudden jolt sent pain radiating through her shoulders. She breathed heavy, struggling to compose herself as her feet barely touched the ground.

Hastings' face held an amused smirk as he watched her, slowly approaching from behind. His eyes trailed her body before he stole a glance in Spencer's direction.

"But I also know Spencer over there, cares about you very much..."

Hastings put his hands ever so lightly on the back of JJ's hips as she stared blankly ahead.

Spencer shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but simply bit his lip.

Hastings continued to stare at him, intently, as his hands more firmly pressed to JJ's backside. Slowly, he drew them down, lightly cupping her ass. JJ remained rigid, almost in a zone, as she tried to ignore his touch. Hastings caressed her with a clear look of lust on his face as his hands slowly trailed down the backs of her thighs.

Spencer finally looked away, not trusting himself to remain stoic if he continued watching. As it was, it was taking every ounce of will power he had to not struggle and curse the man out for touching her so intimately. JJ's breath quickened as his hands continued to roam. She looked down, refusing to look Hastings in the eye as he circled around her.

"I get it Spencer, Jareau is yours now. And I don't blame you, she is an attractive woman." Hastings said as he yanked JJ's head up by her hair with his left hand. With his right he roughly squished her cheeks together and forced her face towards his own.

"Don't touch her you sick son of a bitch!" Spencer cried, unable to hold back his emotions any longer.

Hastings roughly released her face, focusing his attention back on Spencer.

JJ turned her head, looking fearful, but also focusing her gaze on him.

"No more games! I want INTEGRITY and she's the price!" Hastings glanced back at JJ.

When Spencer didn't respond promptly, Hastings ran a hand through JJ's tangled hair and once again grabbed her cheeks. Without warning he forced his lips to hers.

JJ immediately whimpered, struggling to pull herself away as Hastings' lips roughly devoured hers.

"Stop!" Spencer shouted as JJ whimpered again.

Finally, Hastings released her lips, but his hold remained on her face.

"Give me what I want then!" He spat, glaring at Spencer.

Spencer wanted to. Oh how he wanted to just so this could all be over. But he knew he couldn't. It was his job not to. That was the task Cruz had entrusted him with, the reason Cruz had sacrificed his life. And deep down, while JJ was being tormented, he knew that she didn't want him to give it up either. The codes held too much value; both for national security and their lives. So instead, Spencer simply turned away, fixing his gaze back onto the floor.

Hastings smirked, almost pleased by the skinny young man's determination. He turned his attention back to JJ, his face close as his hand left her cheeks and trailed down her body.

"Maybe, we can make you...another one…" Hastings raised her shirt and rubbed her flat stomach. He met her eyes with a suggestive smile, causing JJ to bite her lip in an attempt to hold back her fear and anger.

She hated this man, more than anyone she had ever met. And now, as he touched her suggestively, she felt sick, and numb. She knew she had to be strong, but she didn't know if she had enough in the tank for what it would take. And the fact that Spencer was in the room, a mere few feet away as this was happening, made the situation a million times worse.

It had become the real definition of a no win situation for her. If Spencer caved, they died. If Spencer didn't…well… she couldn't even bring herself to think those thoughts. She was already beginning to shake uncontrollably as it was.

Hastings continued roaming JJ's body with his hands, every once in a while staring at Spencer, a lustful smile plastered on his face.

Spencer knew what was coming next, and it created a true dilemma for him. He had promised Cruz that under no circumstances would he give up the codes. He would take them with him to his grave. But at the time, even with all the pressure Cruz had put him under, it had been a relatively easy thing to promise.

Now, as Hastings caressed and fondled JJ as she hung there helplessly, while Spencer sat just a few feet away, seeing and hearing everything, it was a completely different scenario. He hadn't been ready for this. Maybe he should've anticipated that it would come to this, but the situation, the pain, the deprivation, had dulled his mind. And now, as Hastings' hands found the buttons on JJ's shirt, he was going to have to make a decision soon, and ultimately live with whatever the decision was for as long as he remained alive.

The man's hands tugged on JJ's shirt a little, his fingers delicately picking at and releasing the first button.

JJ felt a wave of emotion course through her. Fear ate at her heart, her nerves. She bit her lip again, worrying it. She held her breath, holding back the sob that threatened to release as she bowed her head, watching Hastings' fingers slowly work.

She felt so feeble, so weak in that moment. She truly no longer controlled her own destiny, and short of the miscarriage, it was the worst feeling she had ever experienced.

She sniffled, tears filling her eyes as another button released. Hastings was staring intently at her, staring a hole through her body as he slowly went about his task.

"Take your time, Spencer. I've been thinking about this for years." Hastings taunted with a chuckle as his hands moved further down.

When JJ couldn't take it anymore, when she couldn't watch another second without the tears falling from her eyes, she turned away. She wasn't strong enough anymore, she couldn't do this. But she couldn't let anyone know that. So, she did the only thing she could think of, hoping it would distract her mind and show everyone in the room just how courageous she was.

"Spencer don't... I'm fine." JJ said, staring at him intently, praying, but deep down knowing, that he could see right through her façade.

She cringed as the sound of her own voice resonated in her ears. No, she was not fine at all. And her voice was not nearly as strong or confident as it had sounded in her head.

"I'm fine." JJ tried again, defiantly, as Hastings moved away from her blouse and shifted his hands lower.

JJ opened her mouth again, a tear at the very edge of her eye about to fall.

"Fi-" She tried to say one more time, but as Hastings lifted her shirt and his fingers grasped onto the button on her pants, JJ could no longer trust herself to talk.

She could no longer get herself to say that she was 'fine'. Because she wasn't. And this was actually about to happen. And she couldn't do anything to stop it. Only Spencer could. And if he did, the game was over, and so were their lives. She was going to have to endure, just as she always had. Even if she was sick and tired of enduring; even if it meant facing the last form of torture that Hastings and Askari had yet to test her with.

JJ briefly closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip hard, in reaction to the sensation of the button on her pants giving way. She bowed her head again, finding the right angle that would keep her from looking either Spencer or Hastings in the eye. She was just there, existing, emotionally numb, trying desperately to ignore what was happening to her, how embarrassed she felt, but unable to avoid any of these feelings or emotions completely.

Spencer took a deep, shaky breath. He was shaking from nerves. A chill ran down his spine as he met Hastings stare. Hastings was taunting him, torturing him mentally. There was no mistaking that Hastings would follow through with his threat if Spencer didn't finally give up.

Spencer felt like Hastings cold eyes were staring into his soul, poisoning it, making him feel just as dirty for playing a role in what was currently taking place. Spencer felt his eyes beginning to water, his own mental resolve shattering as JJ's voice failed her as she desperately tried to tell him that she was ok. Finally, he had to look away, not because he didn't care, but because he cared too much, and he didn't want to break down and cry in front of everyone.

Hastings, of course, took this as encouragement to continue. Slowly, he parted JJ's pants, guiding the zipper open with his thumb.

JJ's breathing came out in slow, heavy gulps, as Hastings gripped the waistband and carefully pulled her pants down, revealing her black panties.

JJ choked out a partial sob, shaking, tears beginning to leak from her eyes as she felt her pants pool around her ankles and Michael's unforgiving glare upon her body.

"You're not fine…are you…Jennifer?" He stared at her, his hand caressing the side of her face, stroking her hair.

"Yes…I'm…fi-"

But again she couldn't bring herself to say the word. Not as her skin ran cold as Michael's hard fingers ran down her cheek, down her neck, and then further down her body. He stared at every visible inch of her body, his eyes following the path his hand trailed. He reached the last two buttons on her blouse.

"You're body…certainly is fine…" He said with a chuckle as he carefully released the last two buttons.

JJ felt another tear fall from her eye, making a warm path down her cheek. Hastings ran his hand over her toned stomach again, teasing her navel.

"Yes…another baby would fit you nicely…" He cooed as he touched her.

The idea that she would be caring another baby, _his _baby, nearly destroyed her worse than anything he had done to her so far. The reason being, that reality was coming closer and closer to fruition by the second. And in truth, JJ found herself preferring death rather than birthing a child conceived under forced activities with Hastings.

It was this, the mention of forcing JJ to have his baby, that finally sent Spencer over the edge. He couldn't take another second. He had to do this, and then he would deal with whatever consequences that came.

"Ok, ok that's it! Just stop! I'll do it, just stop. I'll give you the codes." Spencer said with resignation.


	10. Assault

**AN: Thank you to KDMOSP, madcloisfan, & JJmyst, for reviewing the last chapter. This chapter is dark, but it is a reflection of how I thought '200' would've gone had the episode been longer or if the team hadn't turned on the lights and said 'we're here' to the unsubs. I am keeping the story rating to a 'T', but this chapter is probably an 'M'. If there are any complaints then I will up the story rating. I did cut out some of the original details/descriptions I had written, as it was a bit too strong for my liking. Regardless, PLEASE USE DISCRETION when viewing this chapter.**

**Also, I have a question posted at the end of this chapter. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!**

JJ closed her eyes again as soon as Spencer said the words. She couldn't be sure if it was out of relief, or out of fear. Because the terrorists finally had what they wanted, and that could mean anything.

Hastings held his position, his hands firmly on JJ's hips, as he motioned for the tech man to bring the laptop over to Spencer.

The laptop was placed in front of him, and without the slightest bit of hesitation, Spencer typed in the code Cruz had recited to him. There would be no hesitating or testing fate, he had made his decision and he had to be confident with it. He was doing this in hopes of sparing JJ, somehow, someway.

They had stalled and held out as long as they possibly could. They had done their job. It was up to fate, and the outside world, their team, to help them if it was in the cards. If not, then it would be a tragic end. But at least, deep down, Spencer knew they had both done everything that they could.

When he finished typing, the computer was pulled away from him.

"Code validated." The tech stated.

"Start with base security protocols and overseas assignments." Hastings directed.

The tech plugged in a flash drive and began downloading.

"Thank you Spencer. You have been a great help." Hastings said calmly with a smile.

Spencer bowed his head, telling himself over and over that he had done the right thing. That these men could still be caught and the compromise of national security nullified.

JJ had begun to breathe again as Hastings stepped away from her to check the computer. She glanced over at Spencer, feeling empathy for the situation he had unwillingly been placed in. She couldn't help but to feel that she had let him down. If they made it out of here, she resolved to tell him everything, no more secrets. She had caused enough harm with her secrets.

Hastings seemed to be deep in thought, pacing as he waited impatiently for the download to progress. Eventually, he had circled the room back around to JJ and was again standing behind her. JJ felt a new lump form in her throat as a hand was placed on her back.

"It's working, right? Hastings asked the techie after the man had been silent for too long.

"Yes, it looks like it. There's going to be a lot of information so it might take a while. There were a few basic security protocols I had to work through first."

"But you're there…it's downloading?" Hastings asked a little anxiously.

"I'll know for sure in just a minute." The tech replied, typing something into the computer.

Hastings sighed impatiently. He looked to the pretty woman in front of him. Taking a deep breath, he slowly slipped his hand up the back of her opened blouse.

JJ tensed, holding her breath as his hand travelled a path up and down her back that under normal circumstances might have been soothing. In this situation, it turned her skin cold, goose bumps immediately covering her skin as a chill ran up her spine.

"You better not be playing games with me Jennifer, or he dies." Hastings said roughly in her ear, pointing at Spencer. His hand travelled higher, reaching the clasp on her bra but stopping there as JJ nervously licked her dry lips.

"You feel cold, Jareau." He leaned in and whispered into her ear.

She flinched as his fingers dug into her skin, almost scratching her as it retraced its path down her back. It was almost erotic in a demented sort of way.

Hastings chuckled into her ear as he felt her body begin to shake again.

"Don't be scared…I'm trying to help you relax."

"You're sick." JJ spat at him finally. She didn't want to enrage or encourage him, but he was beginning to eat at her final nerve with these games he was playing.

"You have no idea, love." He moved his hand to her butt, groaning in her ear so only she could hear as he squeezed and caressed her roughly.

JJ cursed herself for whimpering when he squeezed her too hard, causing him to chuckle at her plight.

Finally, he turned back to the tech.

"Come on! Give me some news! This is taking way too long!" Hastings bellowed in frustration.

Spencer couldn't help but to chuckle under his breath. He was praying that something would go wrong, that this man's plans would somehow be ruined. Hopefully, by either computer malfunction or the tech's perceived ineptness. Just as Spencer was starting to entertain these options and feel some sort of hope, the tech replied.

"We're in. It's running slow, but it's working."

"Finally. Start with the vital info as I told you. If we have time we'll grab whatever extra we can. But we need those security codes and assignments to get paid. Got it?"

"Yes sir."

"Good." Hastings said with a sneer. His spirits were soaring now that he was finally getting what he came for. It had taken a lot of work, but so far his plan was working. Now, since he had the time, he was going to get a little bonus, since the opportunity was presenting itself.

JJ suddenly gasped, letting out a hiss, as Hastings squeezed her hips tightly from behind.

"No…no…what are you-"

Her heart began racing as she felt his fingers delicately pull at the elastic waistband of her panties. The sound caused Spencer to shoot his head up in an instant.

"What are you doing?!" Spencer exclaimed with alarm as he watched Hastings toy with JJ.

"It's going to take some time for everything to download. I figured that, while we wait, I would keep my promise…" Hastings leaned his face down beside JJ's left ear, making her cringe.

"As you pointed out Jennifer…I do owe you a child…" He whispered his fingers beginning to inch down the waistband on her underwear.

"No…I don't want…no…" JJ began tugging at the chains linked to the ceiling.

Spencer could see her shaking violently from where he sat.

"I gave you what you wanted!" Spencer shouted desperately.

"Yes, you did." Hastings replied evenly.

"And now…she will too…I've waited too long simply to let this opportunity pass." He continued, slipping JJ's underwear lower.

"And what an opportunity it is." He cooed, pressing his lips to her ear as he gave JJ's ass another firm squeeze.

"You son of a bitch!" JJ let out a cry of frustration, a sob of pure, unadulterated anguish as she realized her reprieve was not to be after all. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks and pooling at her feet as her underwear did the same.

"This wasn't part of the agreement!" Spencer shouted, keeping his eyes focused on the floor to give JJ the decency she deserved.

"What agreement?" Hastings asked with a chuckle. "I told you what I would do to her if you _didn't _give me the codes. I never said what would happen if you _did_."

Spencer felt his mind shatter, his heart filled with the deepest sense of betrayal he had ever known. Because he had just fed JJ, the lamb, to Hastings, the wolf, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The look of lust, of desire, was too great. The only thing that would stop this man was if he were dead. There was something this unsub felt towards JJ that went too deep to make him stop otherwise.

"Foolish man." Hastings added harshly, circling his way back around JJ.

"Now, Jareau, I believe the time has finally come…" He said, lifting her chin up as she sobbed silently.

"Yes…my how I have broken you…" He admired with a smile, stroking her hair.

"Ten percent." The tech called out the progress.

"Good. No more updates until the upload is completely." Hastings ordered, moving his hands to his belt.

Spencer squeezed his eyes shut so tight that it hurt. He bowed his head, tried to cover his ears with his hands to block out all sounds, all the dark thoughts. While the sound was blunted, he could still hear everything.

He could hear JJ whimper. She had given up trying to fight. She had transitioned to trying to mentally prepare herself for what now seemed inevitable.

Spencer could hear Hastings' belt clatter to the floor. He could hear the sound of a zipper opening. And finally, worst of all, he heard a pained gasp and a loud, manly groan.

JJ, determinedly, remained as quiet as she could muster, biting her lip and drawing blood when pursing her lips together no longer did the job. Tears cascaded down her cheeks, but she promised herself that she wouldn't scream. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction even if it killed her.

Spencer squirmed uncontrollably in his seat, begging for the horrific sounds to leave his head, but they only became louder. He couldn't hear much from JJ apart from her heavy, labored breathing and the occasional quiet whimper or uncomfortable moan.

Hastings, however, was loud. He was groaning, he was saying things to her, to them both. It wasn't enough for him to simply defile her; he had to make a show of it. That, combined with the sound of the chains rattling with every abrupt movement, would torture Spencer's dreams for the rest of eternity.

He didn't know how long it lasted for. It felt like forever, though traumatic events always seemed to. But, when the tech finally spoke up to say the download had finished, Spencer knew it actually _had_ been a while. And with that news, he vomited.

"Ok…almost…done…" Hastings said breathlessly, paying no mind to Spencer vomiting on the floor.

JJ tried to disappear, tried to protect her shattered psyche, but she just couldn't. She was there. She was aware that her body had become slick in a cold sweat. And she was sickeningly aware when she felt Hastings finally, over-duly, finish with her.

Her body was exhausted. Her chin sagged, resting on her chest. Her legs were weak, shaking, struggling to hold her body up any longer. She didn't react when Hastings brushed the hair from her face, lifting her head and giving her lips the kiss he desired. He pulled away with a little nip of his teeth to her swollen, bleeding bottom lip.

To JJ, it all just didn't matter anymore. He had taken everything. She had nothing else to give. Besides her life, and right now it felt as though it held little value. She didn't flinch this time when Hastings rubbed her belly one more time.

"You're welcome." He said in a serious tone before bending down and pulling her panties back on.

"Now what?" Askari asked Hastings once the man had re-dressed.

Hastings scanned the room, seemingly deep in thought. He was considering something. He looked at the still-beautiful blonde who was hanging limply by her wrists. Then he turned to the skinny FBI agent with his head bowed, tears in his eyes and puke on his shoes. A devious smile crossed his face.

"We take Jareau with us." Hastings declared finally.

**AN:** **I am curious/looking for feedback on where you, my loyal readers, would like to see this story go from here. 1) Rescue and Recovery, 2) JJ is taken by Hastings short-term before the team finds her, 3) JJ is taken by Hastings, and unfortunately it takes the team quite a while (days, weeks) to find her. And yes, all of these options still include Reid as well; I have thought out scenarios for him for each. I originally wrote this story more towards option 2, to try to make it a little more original. I am kind of at a cross roads here though. Either way I won't be making this into an epic, probably no more than 10 more chapters, but I figured I would try to give you some input in what happens next. I won't be able to post for a few days, so this gives some time to review, PM me, etc. Otherwise, I will continue on the original path I had intended. Thank you in advance!**


	11. Out of Time

**AN: First off, WOW. Thank you to madcloisfan, Guest, JJmyst, KDMOSP, TZ23, silverwrym, 50ShadesofMoGubHC, CMFAN, nooni19, Leaa960, gohan108, Guest, Arwennicole, & vituska7 for all of your great feedback and suggestions. Also, thank you to everyone following and reviewing this story. I honestly thought interest in this story was fading, but apparently I was VERY wrong.**

**I took everyone's suggestions into consideration. The majority of reviews/PMs chose either option 1 or 2, or a mix of the two. So, for this story I am going with a mix of the two. As mentioned to me, I think doing it this way will help keep the story to the length I want it. I had to adjust what I had written so far, but I like how it's turning out and hopefully you will enjoy it too.**

**Because a few authors whose work I enjoy and admire greatly asked me to attempt option 3, when this story is over I'm hoping to do a shorter 'spin off' that will explore that storyline. Time allowing. It will also give me a chance to use some of the suggestions (particularly about Reid) that won't be in this particular story, but that I still considered as great ideas. So be on the lookout for that as well! Thanks!**

"What? You can't be serious!" Askari shouted in protest.

"Oh, I'm very serious." Hastings said, walking back over to JJ.

She closed her eyes again. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? What else could he possibly want from her? Hadn't he done enough?

"That is _not_ a smart idea Hastings. And it's not what we agreed on either." Askari said furiously.

"Hey, it's my call! She could come in handy as leverage until we make it off the tarmac."

"And after we make it in the air?"

Hastings chuckled, pausing as he finished pulling JJ's pants back up.

"I'm sure I could find a use for her." Hastings said with a smirk as he brushed JJ's bruised cheek.

JJ shook, another tear falling down her face, but she said nothing. Her voice was gone. And there it was. Although he wasn't going to kill her, at least not yet, Hastings was effectively going to steal her life as she knew it away from her. He planned to make her his personal prisoner. He was officially going to take every last ounce of what she had.

Spencer, for his part, heard every word. He didn't dare lift his head, didn't dare look over in JJ's direction, as he knew he would see the woman he cared so deeply for, as nothing more than a shattered shell of her former self. Their captors were still tormenting her. And now, as both of their fates were being determined by these two men, Spencer knew it was over for him.

He had lost all value to them. JJ still held some value, and that was only because Hastings had a sick interest in her.

Spencer's life was effectively over.

And that was why he couldn't look at them; because they would see it in his eyes. They would see how upset he was for what they had done to JJ.

He was broken because he knew he was about to die.

There was simply no way that he could hide it, the fear, the despair, which had taken over his soul. If he knew JJ would survive, that she would be ok, then _maybe_ he wouldn't have felt so distraught. Maybe he would've been more accepting of his fate, as Cruz had.

But right now, all he could feel was cold, all he could see was darkness; it was all around him. It had settled into his mind, body, and soul.

He knew for sure he had an increasingly stronger case of hypothermia. He couldn't stop shaking despite his very best efforts. His body was weak and broken. His strength was gone.

The last bit of will and courage he had been holding on to lingered only because he knew JJ was still in danger, and he felt a responsibility to protect her; even if, clearly, he hadn't been able to. He had failed. And now, he was about to lose her forever.

"We won't have enough room in the helicopter if we take her." Spencer could hear Askari continuing to argue.

"Then we will _make_ room. And if you don't shut the fuck up and stop arguing, it might just be your spot she takes!" Hastings yelled his frustration clear.

"Now pack up and get ready, we have to go." He ordered, earning one last angry glare from Askari.

When Askari finally relented, Hastings turned back to JJ. He carefully re-buttoned her blouse, caressing her cheek gently when he had finished.

"We're going to go for a little ride, love." He spoke softly to her.

JJ's breathing was labored and she grimaced in response.

Hastings reached up to unhook her chains, catching Spencer's gaze in the process.

"I hope you don't mind, _Spencer_, but I'm taking Jennifer with me. I think we can agree that she belongs to me now."

"Go rot in hell." Spencer spat, his voice cracking.

"Someday, maybe I will. But not today." Hastings chuckled.

"You won't get away with this. Your time is running out."

"I've made it this far haven't I? And let me say Spencer, I couldn't have done it without you, so thank you."

The chains released and JJ fell forward. Her weak legs immediately collapsed beneath her, unable to hold up her body's weight. Hastings lunged forward, catching her in an uncomfortable embrace just before she would've landed face-first on the ground.

"Easy Jareau, I've got you." Hastings said, putting his arms possessively around her frame, forcing her to lean against him. He met Spencer's eyes and flashed him a suggestive smile, taunting the young man.

"As for time, you are right. We're short on it. So you two should say your final goodbyes now. Because Spencer, the irony to your statement is that it is _your_ time that is almost up."

"You really think you're going to get away with this?" Spencer questioned again, trying desperately to stall and distract.

"No…I _know_ I am going to get away with this. Goodbye Spencer, and thanks again." Hastings said, turning towards the door.

JJ's head had dipped, her eyes struggling to stay open. She had given up. She was too tired to fight anymore. But, when she heard Hastings say 'goodbye', when she felt them turn, saw the door to the room getting closer and closer, she used what strength she had left to tilt her head up, and glance back at Spencer for one last time.

With tears in her eyes she found his forlorn face.

The look was devastating. But she couldn't turn away.

She had to see him, for every last second possible. Because he had tried, goddamn he had tried, but he had failed, they had both failed, and now it was over.

She was never going to see him again. She knew it, one way or another. They would only meet again once death had found them both. But now, this was it.

JJ would've cried, but she was sure she was out of tears. She was mentally numb. Her eyes were empty as her conscious tried to protect what little remained of her mental health. She tried to disassociate. But as Spencer spoke to her, for the final time in that room, his words still found a way to touch her.

"I love you JJ. _Please_ don't give up. I _will_ find you."

"Spence…"

"Don't worry about me…take care of yourself."

"Spence, no…"

"I'll be...fine."

He tried to stop himself from saying the word, realizing the weight it would hold on her, but it was too late.

Immediately he could see a new set of tears forming in JJ's eyes. She choked back a sob as the word 'fine' triggered a whole new round of torment inside her head.

"Goodbye Spence…" She was finally able to utter, just before Hastings dragged her through the door and out of sight.

Spencer bowed his head. He shifted about uncomfortably, rocking back and forth, as a nervous tick overcame him.

She was gone, JJ was gone.

Spencer told himself he needed to focus, that he needed to be strong or he would be dead in mere seconds. But all he could think about was her.

It was only when he heard a grunt, followed by a stunned gasp and a thud, that Spencer was torn from his thoughts. His eyes found the dead tech on the floor, his throat slit, as Askari approached quickly with a knife in hand.

With a quick jerk, Spencer was raised to his feet as the chains bit and tore at the skin on his wrists.

"I'm afraid, my friend, that your time to die has come." Askari said as he stood behind him. "It's really a shame. You _were_ a lot stronger than I had estimated."

"You don't have to do this. Just go, leave me here. Who knows if someone will even find me?" Spencer tried desperately to bargain for his life one last time.

"I might even admit you impressed me more than Cruz did. He was weak."

"Then give me a chance, show me you mean what you're saying."

"Unfortunately, you know I can't do that." Askari said with a slight grin on his face as he circled to face Spencer.

"You know it's funny you trust Hastings so much. I know I wouldn't trust him. Look how he treats his friends. What's to say he doesn't leave without you?" Spencer asked, trying to touch on the weakness that had been revealed in the relationship between Askari and Hastings.

"I know where to find Hastings. He wouldn't get far. And, he still needs me."

"Are you sure you want to test that? It sounded to me Hastings wouldn't think twice about leaving you behind if he had to." Spencer pressed.

The look in Askari's eyes turned dark as he clenched the knife more tightly in his hand.

"I was going to make this nice and quick for you. I was going to do you a favor. But now…" Askari moved in, his face only an inch from Spencer's.

Spencer grimaced when Askari's free hand clutched his hair hard, threatening to rip it from his scalp.

"I'm going to make this…nice and slow…one last method of torture for the smug agent who should've just kept his mouth shut."

With that, Askari plunged the knife hard into Spencer's torso.

Spencer instinctively let out a painful gasp at the searing pain that quickly flooded his body. Askari twisted the knife, sinking it in deeper, more painfully. When he abruptly pulled it out, Spencer let out a heavy breath he didn't know he had been holding.

Askari released the chains and Spencer limply crashed to the floor. He felt a warm pool enveloping the floor around him, as his body felt impossibly and increasingly more frigid.

Askari bent down and released the restraints around his wrists.

"You wanted a chance…here it is…" Askari said quietly as he threw the cuffs across the room.

Glancing at Spencer one last time with a smirk on his face, the terrorist grabbed the storage device from the laptop and thrust it into his pocket. The sound of Askari's footsteps against the floor reverberated against Spencer's ear as he lay with the side of his face pressed to the floor.

"I'll leave the door open for you…good luck." Askari chuckled, before he disappeared around the corner.

Spencer wanted nothing more than to give in to his body's demands to just lay there and rest, but he knew his time was incredibly limited. If he was going to die, he wanted to do so having fought for every last second.

JJ was his motivation.

Slowly he began to crawl, each movement more painful than the last.

Each inch closer to the door became more difficult.

He couldn't look at the doorway; it would only serve to distract and discourage him. So he kept his gaze on the floor in front of him, pulling himself across the floor using what little strength his arms and legs still possessed.

'Stay alive. Find JJ. Just get to the door.' He repeated to himself over and over again in his head.

It was a mantra he forced himself to say out loud when the pain became too great and his vision began to fade. His eye lids felt weighed down, his body was ice.

With what felt like the very last inch he could stay conscious for, Spencer saw a space in front of his line of vision. On either side of this space was a solid structure. He had to keep going.

Two more inches, and he was able to see outside of the room for the first time in an eternity.

One more inch, the very last inch he would physically travel on his own, he could see down the long, frustratingly empty, hallway.

Spencer realized there was no way he would even make it halfway down the hallway. He could no longer lock this logical fact out of his brain.

'Rest, just rest for a minute, then you can continue.' His brain coaxed him.

The thought was too inviting. The desire to earn a respite from the pain and frigid cold was too strong.

Spencer Reid's eyes fluttered closed, just as the lights to the basement hallway kicked on.


	12. Finding Reid

Spencer coughed viciously, a metallic taste filling his mouth.

He was jolted awake by an intense pressure being applied to his stab wound. He tried to open his eyes and when he was finally able to just edge them open, his vision was incredibly blurry.

"Hold on Reid, we're here. The medics are on their way." A familiar female voice coaxed him.

"Wh-wh…"

"Shh…don't talk. You've lost a lot of blood."

Spencer forced himself to take a painful breath, his eyes beginning to close again. When he swallowed, his dry throat barked at him, a wet, sticky, substance clinging to his esophagus.

Spencer was just about to let the darkness envelop him again when he heard a rush of footsteps.

"How is he?" Hotchner asked Blake cautiously.

"He's hanging in there, but we need to hurry. He's in very rough shape."

"Medics are on their way down." Rossi said, the worry clear in his voice.

"Any sign of JJ?" Blake asked quietly, keeping pressure on Reid's bleeding wound.

Spencer struggled to remain awake, waiting breathlessly to hear a response.

There wasn't one.

At first he thought he missed it. Then he realized the response was a non-verbal one. Although his mental capacity was greatly reduced, Spencer was still able to surmise from the noises around him that the team had _not_ found JJ. It was this realization which caused Spencer to dig deep, to find that last bit of strength and determination he had left in the tank.

He was just about to speak when another voice spoke, a voice that briefly made him question if he was hallucinating. Had he lost too much blood, sustained too much physical and emotional damage? It couldn't be, could it?

"It looks like they left before we got here. I have local law enforcement blocking off all the main roads." The voice of Emily Prentiss spoke.

"Em-Emily?" Spencer said weakly, straining to see if the voice he heard truly belonged to a physical body.

"Yes Reid, I'm here." Emily said softly as she bent down beside him.

"But…but how?"

"I came from London as soon as I heard you were missing. After all you've both done for me over the years, there's no way I would've missed an opportunity to return the favor." Emily said, stroking some of the matted hair from his forehead.

"Thank…you." Spencer replied, finding himself struggling for breath again.

"You're welcome, anytime. It's the least I can do. Now please Reid, stop talking. You need to save your strength."

Spencer shook his head from side to side.

"No…I need to…"

"Hey, take it easy." Blake said, applying a little more pressure to his torso to hold him in place.

"Tell me…it's important…"

Blake glanced at Emily who seemed concerned by what Spencer was trying to say.

"Ok Reid, we're listening. Tell you what?" Emily asked gently.

"Everything…where's Cruz…?"

Morgan shot a look at Hotchner and Rossi, wondering if he should actually reveal the answer to that question. He was concerned that it could do more harm than good. After what seemed like a long silence, Spencer grew frustrated.

"Tell me!" He said in a weak shout, jolting his body a little.

"We found his body in the next room over. He's dead Reid, I'm sorry." Morgan spoke solemnly.

Spencer closed his eyes, wincing, trying to hold back tears as he swallowed hard.

"And JJ…?" He spoke again after gathering himself.

"There's no sign of her, yet." Hotchner replied.

"But we'll find her Reid, I promise you. I have all of the main roads blocked. We should have Hastings and Askari trapped." Emily cut in quickly, trying to console him.

Spencer began to shake his head furiously, feeling his ability to remain conscious again slipping away.

"No…no…"

"Reid stop, please. You need to remain still." Blake implored him as more blooded seeped from his wound.

"We need to get going." Morgan said nervously. He didn't want to leave Reid like this, but he also knew JJ's time had to be limited. If Reid was in this type of shape, he could only imagine what JJ must be like.

"Morgan's right." Rossi chimed in.

"You guys go I'll stay here." Blake said.

"No…!" Spencer pleaded. "You need to know…"

"Need to know what Reid?"

"They took…they took…a helicopter…"

Emily looked up quickly, finding Hotchner's stern gaze.

"They're heading…to an airfield…I think…" Spencer continued, willing himself to remain conscious for just a few seconds longer.

"An airfield? They have those types of resources?" Morgan asked with some alarm.

"We already know they are pretty well funded given the operation they're trying to carry out." Rossi replied.

"It must be a private plane, that's the only way they could come and go as they please, like Doyle used." Emily said, feeling chills run down her spine just by uttering his name.

"Could we ground all private flights in the area?" Blake asked urgently.

"Maybe. But if they took a helicopter, they may not be in the immediate area. We'll need to co-ordinate with the State Department and the National Director of Transportation." Hotchner replied.

"We don't have that kind of time Hotch." Morgan stated.

"International…private…flight…should…lower…number of flights…you need to ground…" Spencer wheezed, coughing when he was finished.

"You're sure they're leaving the country Reid?" Emily asked quickly.

"Yes…vital…intelligence…overseas…terrorists…" Spencer replied.

"It's a start. Let's go." Hotchner looked at the rest of his team. He rushed from the hall, followed by Rossi and Morgan as the medics entered Spencer's line of vision.

Emily stood to follow, stopping momentarily to glance at Reid one more time.

"Please, Emily…bring her…home."

"I will Reid, I promise." Emily replied with determination in her eyes.


	13. Lost or Found?

**AN: Thank you, as always, for all of your great reviews and feedback. I greatly appreciate the time it takes to write your opinion, good or bad, on how I'm doing.**

**This chapter was **_**incredibly **_**challenging to write. I'm a little 'eh' about it. It's hard to explain. I feel some parts are a little repetitive, particularly with the torture, but I also feel it was necessary for what I have written. This is where the story is going to 'split' if you will. For this particular story it will lead into the rescue and recovery. For the option 3 'spin off', this is where that story will essentially build from. So I had to write this with both those thoughts in mind. For some reason I found that to be a bit of a challenge. I hope you enjoy, all feedback is welcome!**

JJ breathed heavy, closing her eyes as she tried to rest. She currently found herself lying on the couch located towards the back of the plane she was on.

The plane reminded JJ very much of the BAU's plane both in size and set-up. If JJ hadn't spent half of her life on that plane, she would've almost been sure that she _was_ on the BAU's plane.

But then she would've been able to convince herself that it had all been a bad dream, and of that, she was sure it had not been.

No, instead she was lying on her back, her hands still cuffed, attached to a chain that ran tautly over the side of the couch and hooked into the nearby wall. At least now she was in a position where she could rest her tired body a bit, even if her shoulders still burned from the familiar spot of holding her arms above her head.

Sleep was incredibly inviting.

It offered an escape from everything; the pain, the torment. Her body was as relaxed as it had been in the last day. And, to top it off, Hastings had thrown a blanket over her when he realized she was near hypothermic. She felt almost comfy, if it weren't for her various aches and pains. But at least, more than anything, they were finally leaving her alone, for now.

Hastings had other worries; mainly, seeing that the plane took off. He was currently pacing the cabin nervously as Askari and two of his men sat watching.

"We need to get this thing in the air…now!" Hastings shouted, his voice echoing loudly throughout the cabin.

"Should be about another minute. The flight plan you asked us to submit has already been sent. We're simply waiting for them to finish fueling the plane and for the pilots to go through their pre-flight checklist." One of the men replied.

"My point is, this should've already been done! I said to be ready to leave at a moment's notice! We've been sitting here for ten minutes!" Hastings said, growing angrier.

JJ couldn't help but to smirk a little. It pleased her greatly that not everything was going as planned. She knew it gave her a little more time, on the outside chance someone was looking for her. Because she knew as soon as the plane took off, what was left of her life as she knew it would almost certainly be over.

If they successfully transported her to another country it would become incredibly difficult for her to be tracked down and found. There were rules, there were regulations, and it was a foreign area. At best, it would take days for her to be found. Worst case, well…she chose not to even think of that.

Suddenly, the voice of one of the pilots came over the cabin speaker.

"We are cleared for takeoff. We should be leaving the tarmac in the next five minutes." The pilot announced.

Hastings visibly relaxed a little, his posture turning less rigid.

"Finally. I told you everything would be fine." He said with a chuckle, glancing at Askari as if _he_ had actually been the one who had been pacing.

Askari remained stone-faced, not amused.

Hastings bent down, whispering so they were the only ones who could hear.

"I'll be in the back with Jennifer. Please see that we're not interrupted." Hastings said coolly.

Askari met his eyes with what almost looked like an un-approving glare.

"Hey, cheer up my friend. We're about to be paid handsomely." Hastings said with a smile. With that he made his way to the back of the plane, his eyes searching for and finding JJ's resting form.

"Comfy?" He asked as he sat down beside her, uncomfortably close.

JJ immediately turned her head to the side, looking away from him.

"You haven't touched your tea." Hastings offered, picking up the mug that was beside her.

JJ wanted to reply with a snarky remark that would remind him that it was impossible with her arms restrained, but instead she simply frowned.

"Come on now, don't be like that." He said reaching out and forcefully turning her head to face him.

"Here, drink some more, it'll help warm you up."

Without giving JJ a choice to decide, he forced the warm liquid to her lips. Carefully, JJ made herself drink some down, allowing it to warm her up from within as it travelled down her throat and into her empty stomach.

"There you go, that's a good girl." Hastings said with a smile, allowing her a couple more sips before pulling the drink away and setting it down.

"I know you may be down about things…about your current…_predicament_. But let me remind you, I'm about to be a _very_ rich man. And, as long as you're by my side, I will _always_ take care of you." He hissed, reaching out and petting her tangled hair.

"I will never _willingly_ be by your side." JJ spat stubbornly.

Hastings chuckled, continuing his ministrations.

"Oh JJ…but I have so much I can offer you…and you could use another man in your life now that, unfortunately, the other two are no longer a part of it."

"I don't want _anything_ you could ever offer me. I'd rather die."

"That, unfortunately, can be arranged." Hastings said more sinisterly after a long silence.

JJ frowned, but didn't reply.

"That won't happen for a while though, _that_ I can promise you. I still see too much…_potential_…with you. I am sure you possess more valuable intelligence. Information that could come in handy when it comes time to run another operation. You have a beautifully attractive brain, not to mention your body…" Hastings said smoothly, licking his lips.

JJ shifted uncomfortably as she noticed the way he was looking at her. Slowly, he brought his hands down to the top edge of the blanket. Griping the fabric, he carefully peeled it away from her body.

JJ immediately found herself yearning for the warm comfort that the blanket had brought, as well as the layer of protection it had offered her body. Seeing how uncomfortable he was making her, Hastings smiled.

"I'll tell you what. It's a long flight. How about I give you a little something to help you rest?"

"No thanks." JJ said through gritted teeth, as his hands cupped her cheeks together.

"Come on now. Why must you be so damn stubborn?" Hastings said dangerously, lowering his face towards hers.

JJ began squirming beneath him as he forced his mouth to hers. It was a short, rough kiss, but it did the trick. While she was busy trying to shake his lips from her mouth, Hastings plunged the needle he had been hiding expertly into JJ's arm.

She whimpered, her heart sinking, when she felt the familiar warm trickle beginning to circulate through her veins. JJ scowled at him when he pulled away from her.

"You can't just leave me alone." She said sharply, more a statement than a question.

"Never. I'm just so…_fond_…of you Jennifer. I admire your strength…your courage." Hastings cooed, his hands travelling uncomfortably down her neck and to her chest. He cupped her breasts in his hands, simultaneously giving them a squeeze as he rubbed them in a circle.

JJ felt ready to throw up, but she was reminded that she had nothing in her stomach.

"You know what they say love…the more you try, the better your chances for success."

His hands travelled lower, towards her waist. Hastings carefully lifted her shirt up a couple of inches, revealing her stomach to him again. He caressed her stomach as JJ writhed beneath him, straining to deny his touch.

"I think I want to try again." He said seductively, his hand briefly dipping just below the waistband of her pants.

JJ felt herself beginning to shake all over again. She knew she wouldn't have the strength to fight him. He could easily get what he wanted from her, and they both knew it.

"We're going to play a game, Jennifer. We're going to see how long you can stay awake for. I can promise, the longer you can stay conscious, the better off you'll be. Who knows what I'll do to you once you pass out." Hastings chuckled sinisterly.

JJ shook her head, biting her lip as his finger teased the soft skin of her waistline. Why did he have to torment her? How did he come up with these sick games? Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.

"I think our child would be beautiful? Don't you?" He asked, taking his gaze from JJ's body and meeting her eyes, continuing to tease her.

"Go…to…hell…" JJ ground out, her eyes giving away how alarmed she was as the button on her pants gave way again.

"Now, now, now, that's not very nice Jennifer." Hastings replied with a smug look on his face.

"I meant every word." JJ replied sternly.

"I have no doubt." Hastings said with a chuckle, shifting his position so that he was now straddling JJ's legs. Leaning down, his face was hovering just above her belly.

JJ began to blink furiously as she felt her eye lids becoming heavy. The feeling she felt the first time Askari had drugged her was rapidly returning. With great despair, JJ realized it wouldn't be long until her mind disappeared into another world. It would've almost been welcoming, except for the scary thought of what Hastings would do to her, what she would wake up to find had happened.

"Mhm you are lovely." Hastings smiled, staring at her stomach before lowering his mouth to it.

JJ flinched, instinctively contracting her stomach as she felt his warm lips brush against her skin. She bit her lip, a tiny whimper still finding its way out of her mouth as he began to lightly place a line of kisses up her torso.

Hastings' hands gripped the fabric of her blouse, his fingers finding and releasing a new button every time the material stopped him from continuing his path upwards.

JJ felt her head lulling to the side. Her body was gradually feeling warmer and more relaxed against her will. All of her aches and pains were fading, just as her thoughts began to drift and grow heavy.

Soon he was up to her ribs, the bottom three buttons on her blouse open.

JJ let out a hiss of pain, a brief moment of blinding clarity through the fog, when one of Hastings' hands absently glanced against one of the burns on her left side.

"Sorry love." Hastings said in a tone that almost made her believe he was truly sorry.

As she felt him move higher, JJ knew she had lost.

"You're a bastard." JJ mumbled, her eyes no longer able to focus on him.

"Oh baby, you have no idea…" Hastings chuckled, taking her words as encouragement. His hands caressed down the length of her body, stopping on her hips.

When he looked up again, he could see that JJ was drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Stay with me love…" He said, lightly patting her cheek a couple of times in succession.

JJ groaned, but her eyes felt impossibly weighted. She was numb. Her muscles were jelly-like.

"Come on Jareau, I thought you were stronger than this. Don't tell me you're choosing _now_ to finally give up." Hastings said with amusement, this time slapping her cheek rather hard.

The sudden stinging sensation allowed JJ's brain to focus enough to open her eyes and turn her head toward him. She couldn't hold her eyes open for long however, before they lazily closed again.

JJ internally pleaded with her brain as she felt a sheer sense of panic building from deep inside of her. While she was finally losing her battle, once and for all, she still had the wherewithal to know the true danger she was in. And, sadly, that there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"Don't fall asleep Jareau. Not yet. I _promise _that you will regret it." He threatened, one of his hands violating her space for effect.

The plane suddenly lurched back a little as it began to move.

"Oh yes…we're almost there." Hastings cooed seductively in her ear.

He was becoming excited just by the plane moving. Or, more accurately, what the plane moving meant.

It meant the mission was a success. It meant he was getting paid. It meant Jennifer Jareau was his.

JJ closed her eyes just as Hastings' lips latched onto hers again, one of his hands burying itself back in her hair.

Sadly, it was the lasting sensation she took with her as darkness claimed her.


	14. Awakening

**AN: Thank you for all of your great reviews. I know it's pretty repetitive, but I truly appreciate the time it takes to give your feedback, so thank you!**

**This chapter is probably different than what some of you were expecting. Please bear with me. I promise just about everything will be explained in due time!**

The sound of a patterned, incessant beep, continued on, unending.

When she absolutely could no longer take it, Jennifer Jareau opened her eyes slowly.

Her vision was immediately suffocated under a foggy, white blinding light. It was then, for just a moment, that she wondered if she was truly dead.

Had her pain, her suffering, finally ended? She closed her eyes again, but her lids no longer held the same pressure. She could no longer return to her distant, dream-like state.

The sound of the beeping began to fade, as JJ's other senses began to return to her. It started with slight movement in her fingers and toes. Gradually, she was able to move one hand, then the other.

Encouraged that she was able to do so freely, with the absence of pain, JJ tried to open her eyes again.

While her vision was still cloudy, she was able to make out general details of the room around her. As her eyes slowly shifted about the room, JJ suddenly heard a voice. It was soft and comforting. The sound was distinct, but her mind still couldn't put two and two together.

JJ tried to focus hard on the sound, willing herself not to become frustrated by the slow progress her mind and body were making.

She felt something gentle carefully brush through her hair. The sudden feeling was both soothing and alarming. With all the strength that she could muster, JJ slowly turned her head to the side as the hand continued to caress her hair.

When her eyes focused on the figure seated beside her, JJ's eyes grew big and a sense of panic began to run through her.

"Em-Emily?" She asked hoarsely. Her voice sounded terrible, grating, even to her own ears.

"Yes JJ, it's me. I'm here." Emily replied gently, compassion filling her eyes as she continued to stroke JJ's hair. She felt a wave of sadness build inside of her as she saw fear begin to take over the weak blonde's eyes.

"No…no…" JJ began to chatter, her voice not above a whisper.

"Yes JJ, it's me. I promise you." Emily coaxed.

JJ became more disgruntled at this, tears filling her eyes. She tried to move away from the hand that was touching her.

"It can't be…you're not real…why…" JJ muttered, convinced that she was hallucinating again as she had on that floor in her prison.

"JJ. Listen to me. I am real. I _promise _you it's me. You're safe now. They can't hurt you anymore." Emily said more forcefully, willing the blonde to believe her.

"No…no…it can't be…" JJ repeated again, still not convinced.

"I came back from London when I heard you were missing. I had to help you when I heard you were in missing. We're friends JJ; you did the same for me once." Emily continued, becoming more and more worried by the minute at the mental state of her friend.

She had heard about and seen some of JJ's injuries first hand. She had experienced some of the same herself at one time in her life. But this, to see the strong woman she knew so broken down and vulnerable, it was beyond disconcerting.

Emily watched as JJ took a deep, shaky breath. She could see her debating in her mind what to do next. Emily stilled her hand, letting it rest gently on her friend's warm forehead.

"If you're real, then pinch me." JJ finally spoke again.

"What?" Emily asked, taken off guard by the request.

"I need to know this is real…pinch me…"

"JJ…I"

"Do it Emily or get out!" JJ shouted weakly, choking back tears.

"Ok…ok…" Emily finally relented.

She lowered her hand to JJ's arm. Finding a spot that wasn't bruised, she pinched her friend hard, ensuring that she wouldn't be made to do so for a second time.

Emily watched as JJ grimaced, but as the initial pain passed, she could see her friend begin to relax.

"Thank God." JJ choked, near spilling tears of relief. "Emily…it's really you."

"Yes JJ, it's me. You're safe now. You're in the hospital."

"How long have I been here for?" JJ asked.

Her mind was suddenly racing. She was trying to fill in the blanks, but found there was frustratingly little to remember after leaving that horrible torture chamber. She remembered being dragged aboard a plane. She remembered lying on a couch…being chained on a couch, but that was it.

"About two days." Emily replied honestly.

JJ nodded slightly, letting the information settle in her mind. She remembered back to that room again. Suddenly, her thoughts settled on Reid.

"Spence! Is he…" JJ gasped out loud.

She built up an emotional wall, trying to prepare herself for the worst. Emily's expression, at first was guarded and almost unreadable.

"He's alive. He lost a lot of blood…he needed some minor surgery…but he pulled through." She replied.

JJ momentarily released the breath she had been holding.

"He lost a lot of blood?"

"Yes. When we found him in the basement he was in bad shape. He…he had been tortured…and he sustained…a stab wound to his torso. We got to him just in time." Emily finished.

JJ felt a tear trickle down her cheek as she thought of the pain Spencer must've been in. Seeing her dragged away, then being beaten and stabbed near to death. She knew that he was strong, but she prayed that he would be strong enough to overcome all of this, to forgive her. Because it _was _her fault that he had been in that position to begin with.

Those were thoughts she would have to deal with later, she told herself, right now she had to simply accept the good news that Spence was alive and that he was going to pull through physically.

Emily could see JJ's mind drift off into a deep thought. It took her a moment, but she realized what her friend was doing.

"JJ, everything that happened, what happened to Reid, it's not your fault."

"I know." JJ shrugged off simply after a brief pause.

Emily was not convinced however, she could tell that JJ blamed herself. But, she also knew that now wasn't really the time to push the issue.

"JJ. Is there anything I can do? Anything I can get for you?" Emily asked, trying to change her friend's worried thoughts.

Her blue eyes looked distant. She had lost focus again.

Emily told herself that it was just exhaustion, that her brain was trying to heal itself from the trauma she had been through. The doctor had assured the team that JJ hadn't sustained any permanent brain damage, which was a major relief to them all. Emily was still very worried about her friend however; it hurt to see her look so broken.

"Matt's dead, isn't he?" JJ finally spoke up, her eyes still staring out the window across the room.

"Matt?" Emily asked, caught off guard and a little confused.

"Mateo Cruz." JJ replied straightly.

"Yes, I'm afraid so." Emily answered after taking a deep breath. She watched JJ shift a little, a couple of tears trickling down her cheek.

Emily knew this reaction was natural, but the fact that JJ had been so personal, using the name Matt rather than his proper name or title, clued Emily to the fact that this death may have been a bit more personal than simply the passing of a co-worker. JJ hid this fact well though, and again Emily didn't want to pressure her; she had been through enough.

"What happened…to Askari?" JJ asked, a bitter tone in her voice after she had composed herself a little.

Immediately, Emily was able to profile that Askari had been the one to kill Cruz. She didn't do it intentionally, but it was hard to turn off her practiced mind after so many years.

"He's dead. He went down fighting." Emily replied.

JJ took a breath, nodding slightly.

"And…Hastings?"

Emily swallowed hard.

She knew the response to this question would likely upset her friend. And she couldn't blame her. Emily remembered when she had developed similar feelings about her situation with Doyle. She knew exactly what JJ was feeling, and about to feel.

Apparently she had paused for too long, as JJ had tilted her head and was now staring hard into her eyes.

"He's in custody." Emily said as gently as she could.

She watched as JJ's eyes grew wide in what belied a mixture of fear and anger.

"He's…alive?"

Emily nodded, swallowing again.

"He immediately surrendered. We had to take him in."

"No…" JJ shuddered.

Her breathing became more labored. Her eyes were growing distant again.

"JJ. Hey, JJ, look at me." Emily ordered firmly, trying to refocus her friend.

"Hastings is in custody. He is locked up and under a twenty-four hour watch. You _are_ safe. He can't escape, he can't get to you."

"But he's _alive,_ Emily. After everything he did, he is _still_ alive." JJ replied, more tears trickling down her cheek.

"He's not getting away with any of this JJ. Don't believe that for a second. He is going to spend the rest of his life behind bars; there's no way he can get out of that. He compromised national security, he betrayed his country."

"But he gets to live. Every day I wake up, I'm going to _know_ that he's out there…_somewhere_."

"Maybe. But you're also going to know that you're the one who helped stop him. You and Reid both were strong enough to withstand everything Hastings and Askari threw at you. You were able to survive and persevere, to stall them long enough so that we could come and rescue you, and stop them from leaving the country with information that could've harmed countless lives. You did everything you possibly could have. _You_ did that. You get to live everyday with certain freedoms that Hastings will never be allowed again. You _will _come out stronger from this, and you _will _survive. And I will do everything in my power to help you in any way that I can." Emily stated confidently.

JJ lifted her arm, brushing the tears from her cheek.

"He took so much, Emily. He _did_ so much to try to hurt me…to _break_ me."

"I know. And it'll take a while for you to heal, you're only human. But you _will _heal, I promise you."

JJ took a shaky breath, allowing Emily's words to sink in. There was a long silence that filled the room. When JJ thought she was ready, she spoke again.

"I need to know, Emily, how did you guys find me? I need to know what happened."


	15. Rescue

**AN: First, my apologies for the extended wait. Life became very busy the last few weeks. I intended to post this last week, but the site was giving me issues. Thank you for all of your reviews and continued interest. I know it can be hard to follow a story that is sporadic with posting, but I am hoping to end this with a couple more recovery chapters pretty soon.**

**Second, I have not forgotten about Reid. He will have a strong presence in the last few chapters starting with the next one. The italics in this chapter represent a flashback seeing as we are technically travelling back in time from the last chapter. Feedback is welcome as always.**

"_Garcia! We need you to track down any pending flights scheduled to leave any airports within a fifty-mile radius of our location. The flight will be private, and it should be scheduled to leave the country." Emily spoke into her phone as Morgan drove the SUV furiously towards the main highway. _

"_Uh, that might take some time but I'll see what I can do." Garcia replied nervously, her fingers pounding the keyboard in front of her. _

"_We don't have time baby girl. We need your best guesses and we need them now. Hastings is trying to leave the country with JJ." Morgan replied. _

"_Oh…oh no!" Garcia wailed as the realization set in. _

"_Baby girl, please focus." _

"_I'm going to need more information. Give me something to narrow down the search criteria." _

"_It'll be a smaller plane. They'll be more likely to leave a private or medium sized airport. Commercial activity will be limited." Rossi spoke this time. _

"_We also know that they probably took a helicopter to get there." Hotchner added. _

_Garcia pounded the keys, trying her hardest to find the likeliest location. She knew that in all likelihood, she only had one shot at being right. If she or the team were wrong, then the plane would already be in flight before they could stop it. _

_Garcia had narrowed her search down to three sites, but she wasn't a hundred percent confident about any of them. _

"_Garcia!" Hotchner implored her. _

_Staring at the map in front of her, she took her best educated guess. _

"_Your best bet is Stafford Regional Airport. It's not far off the highway, and its right near Potomac creek. There is a plane scheduled to leave from there within the next ten minutes." _

"_You're sure?" Hotchner asked. _

"_No, I'm not. I haven't been able to access a flight plan. But like I said it's located near a highway and a body of water. If for some reason Hastings' plans were foiled at the airport, it would still leave him with options for a quick escape that the other locations might not." Garcia explained her reasoning. _

"_How far away?" Hotchner asked again. _

"_About six miles from your current location." _

"_Thanks Garcia, good job." Morgan pressed his foot down on the gas pedal so hard he thought he was going to push it through the floor. He wasn't as smart as Reid, but even he could calculate that six miles was still a good distance to travel given how far behind Hastings they were. _

_The rest of the ride was anxious. The entire team was high strung, worried. Even if they were correct, they would have to stop the plane. Then, more than likely, they would have to board it. There would be no element of surprise. Meaning, even if JJ was still alive now, the odds weren't particularly in her favor if they crashed Hastings little party. _

_The team readied their weapons as the airfield came into view. Hotchner had spent the ride placing phone calls, mobilizing units to stop the plane from taking off, and to storm the plane with force if necessary, but only as a last resort. If JJ were on the plane, the situation could turn into a hostage negotiation in no time. _

_Emily looked out her window, towards the airfield as she clenched the gun in her hand tightly. _

"_There, see that!" Morgan shouted, pointing through the windshield. _

_The team watched, in horror, as a plane slowly taxied out towards the long runway. _

"_That has to be it, if it's them." Rossi said. _

_Emily felt her breath leave her, nausea forming in the pit of her stomach as the plane began to pick up speed. _

"_We're out of time!" She shouted desperately. _

"_No, we're not. Look." Hotchner said sternly, pointing to the half dozen vehicles that suddenly appeared and were attempting to block the plane's path. _

"_I'm taking a short cut, hold on!" Morgan pressed down on the accelerator again, driving the SUV right through a chain linked fence. _

_The ride was incredibly bumpy as they cut across a field, but they made it to the airstrip in no time. The tires of the SUV touched pavement again just as the plane began to slow. _

_Emily swallowed her lunch back down her throat before she spoke again. _

"_The plane's running out of room. They're going to have to stop." _

_Morgan drove down the runway, turning to the left a little when the plane did the same. _

"_Be ready." Hotchner ordered everyone as the plane's speed continued to reduce. _

_They watched, with some relief, as the plane came almost to a stop. The relief was short lived however, when the main door to the plane opened, causing the plane's staircase to scrape against the asphalt. _

_Two men appeared, both holding guns as the plane continued to circle. Morgan jammed on the breaks to the SUV just as the men opened fire. _

"_Get down!" Rossi shouted as bullets began to rain down on them. _

_The stream of bullets oscillated, as the men focused on one vehicle, then another, as they made their way down the stairs. _

"_We need cover!" Morgan shouted, opening his door and crawling out of the driver's side. _

_The rest of the team followed suit. Another round of bullets peppered the SUV before the gun was turned on one of the closer police cars. The two men were effectively pinning down the entire group by changing their firing patterns. _

_Hotchner watched this closely, also noticing how the plane was still turning as it was settling to a stop. _

"_Hold!" He shouted to his team. _

_The team ducked down, doing as they were told. _

"_Listen! When I say 'go' provide me with some cover fire as a distraction. Ready? One…two…three…go!" _

_Immediately Morgan, Rossi and Prentiss did as they were ordered. This, combined with the turning plane gave Hotchner the perfect shot at one of the men. A couple of well placed shots dropped the man to the tarmac. _

_Seeing his man down, the other man, Askari, quickly jumped to the ground, using the plane to help shield himself. _

_A couple of officers stepped out from their cover to pursue. Just as they did however, a new set of gunfire erupted from the top of the plane's staircase, dropping the two officers. _

_The new gunman quickly turned his gun's focus on the other nearby police cars. He was outmatched however, as a well-placed shot by Rossi rendered him dead right in the plane's doorway. _

_Simultaneously, Morgan took off after Askari who was now a good fifty feet from the plane. Before Hotchner could warn Morgan to be careful, he was already behind the plane and out of sight. _

_Hotchner motioned for a couple of nearby officers to follow Morgan, as he, Rossi and Prentiss cautiously began to approach the plane. _

_They started their ascent up the stairs when they were startled by the sound of more gunshots. They all froze in their spots, as the sound of even more gunfire erupted in the distance. Quickly, they realized the gun fight was between Morgan and Askari, and that the sounds weren't coming from in front of them. _

_Reaching the top of the staircase, Hotchner cleared the doorway and motioned Emily to take the lead through and to the right. _

_Taking a deep breath, she leapt into the plane. She was quickly followed by Rossi, who cleared her left. Hotchner followed lastly, focusing his attention more to the left where Rossi was, as he moved to clear the cockpit. _

_Emily slowly inched forward, her eyes trained on a man sitting towards the back of the plane, a thin smile on his face. _

"_Hands where I can see them." Emily ordered him. _

_With the slightest hesitation, he did as she ordered. _

_Emily quickly cleared the space between herself and Michael Hastings, making her way to the back of the plane. To her dismay, she noticed a body lying on the couch along the back left-side of the plane. The body was completely covered by a blanket. Deep down Emily just knew it was JJ, but she couldn't tell if her friend was alive or dead. _

_Slowly, Hastings began to lower his hands. Emily noticed this in her periphery, just as Hotchner made his way over to join her. _

"_She didn't tell you to lower them." _

"_I'm sorry. My arms were getting tired. It's been a hell of a day." Hastings replied smugly. _

"_Well don't worry, you'll get plenty of time to rest in jail." Hotchner replied, ordering the man to stand. _

_Hastings eyes grew darker as they held Hotchner's gaze. _

"_Is she yours?" Hastings motioned with his head towards where JJ lay. _

_Hotchner glared at him, but didn't respond as he tightened handcuffs around the man's wrists. In a way, Hotchner was surprised Hastings had given up so easily, without a fight. But the man's cocky, narcissistic attitude made it clear why he had done so; he wanted to enjoy what he had accomplished. And, deep down, he likely believed that he would still find a way back to freedom someday. That day certainly would not be today._

_Hastings chuckled at the lack of a response. _

"_It's such a shame. I was so close. I almost had everything I could've ever wanted." He said somewhat matter-of-factly. _

"_And now you'll have none of it." _

"_The price we pay, for having big dreams." _

_Hotchner motioned for one of the nearby officers to take Hastings away. _

"_Oh well. You haven't seen or heard the last of me agent, I guarantee it." _

"_Give me a reason, and I can change that real quickly. Otherwise, I think you're delusional." Hotchner replied, never taking his eyes off the man. _

"_Maybe. Maybe not." Hastings said with a shrug. _

"_Sorry about your agents. I'll leave you to clean up the mess I've made." Hastings finished as he was led away by the officers. "Until we meet again, Jennifer!" _

_This last statement caused Emily to quickly turn towards the couch as she tried to holster her weapon. It took her a couple of attempts to properly get the gun into her holster, as she found her hands were shaking. _

_There was a pit in her stomach, and Emily was just dreading having to lift that blanket to see what state her friend was in. _

_Carefully, she leaned down and peeled back the blanket. _

_Emily's heart stopped as she saw JJ's eyes were closed and she couldn't tell if she was breathing. _

"_JJ! JJ?" She leant down and felt for a pulse. _

_Relief flooded through her as she felt the beat against her two fingers. _

"_She's alive Hotch, but we need the medics!" Emily turned and shouted excitedly. _

_Hotchner stepped away to retrieve them. With this new found privacy, Emily carefully peeled the blanket back further in an attempt to assess JJ's injuries. _

_Her skin was ghostly pale and held a chill to it. Her gorgeous hair was matted and tangled. Uncovering her friend further, Emily spotted a number of bruises and a couple of burn marks on her friend's torso. It was then that she realized the state of JJ's clothing. _

"_Oh, JJ…" Emily whispered quietly. _

_Her thoughts were abruptly ended when she heard footsteps coming. Quickly, Emily re-wrapped her friend in the blanket, providing her with both warmth and security. _

"_The medics are on their way." Hotchner said. _

_Emily nodded, lifting JJ into her arms as she prepared to carry her from the plane. _

"_How is she?" Hotchner asked with concern. _

"_She's alive. But I'm sure she's been through hell." Emily replied, slowly carrying JJ to the doorway. _

"_I'm just glad we found her when we did…" _

/

Emily had stopped her story to take a sip of water. In truth, there really wasn't much more to tell.

JJ lay there silently, processing everything Emily had told her.

"I'm just glad Garcia is as good at her job as she is. She was a _big_ help." Emily said, setting the glass of water down.

"You all are. Thank you." JJ said quietly.

"You're welcome. Like I said, you did the same for me once." Emily responded with a compassionate smile.

JJ glanced at her and nodded slightly.

Emily watched her friend for a few moments, noting her body language. It was pretty clear that something about the whole rescue was still bothering her, but she was afraid to say what.

"_Don't fall asleep Jennifer. Who knows what I'll do to you once you pass out."_ JJ's body immediately shuttered as the words of Michael Hastings echoed through her brain. The shutter sent a wave of pain through her body, reminding her that the pain killers were starting to wear off.

"JJ, what's wrong?" Emily asked with concern.

"The painkillers are starting to wear off." JJ replied.

"The doctor should be in soon to administer another dose. I can go get her though if you would prefer." Emily offered.

"No! No, that's ok. Please stay. I don't want to be alone, yet."

"Ok, ok. Then I'll stay right here."

"Thank you." JJ breathed, turning her head away.

Emily settled on watching her friend again. But when she swore she saw a tear trickle down her cheek, she felt concerned all over again.

"Please JJ, tell me what's eating at you."

JJ slowly turned her head back, her eyes meeting Emily's. They were more red and bloodshot than they had been mere minutes earlier.

"I…I need you to be honest with me Emily."

Slowly, she nodded her head, a little fearful of where JJ was taking this.

"I need you to tell me what he did to me on that plane."

Emily felt a lump forming in her throat. It had been the one question she had been fearful to answer, because in truth, she wasn't sure if she knew the answer herself. She had her guesses, but she hated to speculate about her friend.

"Hastings?" She asked, though she clearly knew who JJ was referring to. She was simply trying to buy herself some time until she figured out how she would supply JJ with a reasonable response.

JJ visibly winced at the mention of his name, but nodded.

"What do you remember?" Emily asked softly, looking for a starting point, or an out.

JJ closed her eyes, holding back more tears.

"He was…on top of me…touching me…" She began, her voice cracking.

"He…he had just injected me with more drugs. He told me…not to pass out. He said if I did, I would regret it. He was taunting me…it was all a game to him." JJ shook her head, painfully recalling what few memories from the plane that she could.

"JJ, it's ok."

"I tried to fight him…but I was too weak. And he had me restrained."

"JJ, you don't have to do this. You don't have to relive it now."

"The last thing…the last thing I remember before I passed out…were his hands on me…and his lips on mine." JJ continued. She was sobbing at this point.

"After that…it's all blank. I don't know what he did…or how much time passed until you rescued me." JJ said, taking a deep gulp of air.

"Hey, hey, calm down. It's ok, I'm here." Emily soothed her.

"Please Emily, tell me what he did." JJ pleaded.

Emily took a long breath, still unsure of how to respond to her friend.

"Emily?" JJ finally spoke again when the silence became too much.

Emily flashed back, recalling some of the injuries the doctor had told her JJ had sustained.

"JJ…I don't know how to say this."

"Just tell me…I need to know. I can't _not_ know…"

Emily sighed, worrying her lip.

"The doctor…the doctor did find evidence that you were assaulted…sexually…assaulted…" She choked out, unable to temper her words. She looked into JJ's eyes and saw the woman staring at her, unblinking.

"She couldn't tell…how many times…but she did say she thought you would make a full physical recovery." Emily went to speak again, desperate to say more as she watched JJ turn her head away.

"He raped me. In the basement…in front of Reid." JJ said quietly, without emotion, attempting to disassociate her mind from the heinous act.

"Wh-what?" Emily wasn't expecting JJ to say this, to admit it so bluntly. But also, it gave Emily hope, and a potential opening, about what may or may not have happened on the plane.

"Then on the plane…as we started to move…he was threatening to do it again." JJ mumbled, facing the wall away from Emily.

"Did he?" She asked, feeling empty and vulnerable.

"JJ…I…"

"Did he!?"

"No. I don't think he did." Emily said finally, abruptly.

This caused JJ to pause. She had presumed to know the answer, she hadn't been expecting this.

Emily watched as her head slowly shifted back to facing her.

"Emily, I trust you more than just about anyone. Please, look me in the eye and tell me that."

"JJ, I don't think he did. Honestly." Emily fixed her eyes on JJ's, praying she believed her.

The truth was Emily honestly had no idea.

Flashing back to that moment on the plane, initially Emily believed JJ _had_ been. Her blouse was unbuttoned and her pants were pulled down. She had unintentionally noticed some bruising that suggested such an assault.

But now that JJ had revealed some of what had happened in that basement, Emily was less certain. She wondered now if Hastings had staged it, or at least been interrupted. Either way, after all of the pain and suffering JJ had already been through, Emily decided that this was the best answer. It was the answer that her friend needed to hear. If JJ was convinced that Hastings _had_ done wicked things to her while she was unconscious, then that could be the last straw that forever broke her.

Instead, since there was no way to know for sure what had or hadn't happened, Emily went with the safe option. The option that gave her a chance to help console her friend, and help her to heal a little. The only person who knew for sure what happened was Hastings, and he was going to rot forever.

So, even though there was a chance that it may not have been truthful, even if it meant potentially ruining her friendship if somehow her response was proven to be a lie, Emily chose what she viewed to be the best answer.

"We stopped that plane JJ. You said you felt it beginning to move. Well, we stopped it a few minutes after that. There is no way Hastings could've done anything to you in that time."

"He could've…"

"No! He couldn't. We immediately engaged him and his men in a gun fight. I'm telling you JJ…we got there in time."

JJ eyed Emily, but remained silent as she considered this. The more Emily spoke, the more she believed it. And the more she believed it, the better she felt. It wasn't perfect, things had happened. But at least, Hastings hadn't had one last opportunity to torment her. It was over. She had to move on. It was time to recover.

JJ met Emily's eyes. Reaching out her hand, she found Emily's and grasped it.

"Thank you. Thank you for everything." She said honestly.

"JJ, I'll always be here for you. I consider you my best friend. I would do _anything_ for you after all of the ways that you've helped me."

JJ smiled slightly. After giving a reassuring squeeze, JJ let go of her hand.

"Please, don't tell the others about…"

"I won't." Emily cut her off abruptly.

JJ met her eyes, understanding that her friend wouldn't.

"Now that you know, do you know if they put me on birth control?"

Emily shook her head.

"Not yet, they needed your consent first. I'll tell the doctor when she comes back with the pain meds."

JJ bit her lip. For just an instant she considered the option. It was the briefest thought, passing through her head so fast that she had almost missed it. But with that idea brought fear, and within seconds, JJ nodded her head in approval.


	16. Regrets

**AN: Thanks again everyone for your patience. I have finally finished writing this story, so be on the lookout for another 2 or 3 updates in the near future as I try to draw this story to a close.**

Spencer sat by the bed quietly, studying JJ intently while she slept. He couldn't tear his eyes from her. He was worried if he did, that when he turned back she would be gone. Or if she awoke to find that she was alone, that she might panic.

So he sat there content, waiting, for her to open her eyes. He was pleased to see that she was resting, that she looked more relaxed, even as the tell tale sign of stress lines still creased across her forehead.

He knew that she had to be exhausted; she had endured so much. More than anything, even though he was sure there would be a lot for her to overcome both physically and mentally, he was happy to see that she was still in one piece.

JJ's well-being had been Spencer's primary motivation. It had helped him to push through the pain of his own recovery.

When he rested, his thoughts were always on her. Some of his thoughts were pleasant, others not as much. Even when he had been recovering from his surgery Spencer could hear Hastings' voice and the sound of the chains rattling. He wondered if those sounds would ever leave his nightmares.

But for now, he was feeling better. Just seeing JJ, knowing that she was alive, was enough to take most of his pain away.

The physical pain was bad enough. He had told the doctors to take him off of narcotics as soon as he was lucid enough to do so. After his previous experiences with drugs, he found that it was worth the pain. He couldn't afford to become addicted again.

But as much as he hurt physically, the emotional pain had been infinitely worse. It would never leave until JJ woke, until he had a chance to talk to her, until they could completely go back to 'normal'.

A sharp intake of breath quickly drew Spencer from his thoughts.

He looked to JJ's eyes, finding that they were still closed. Her facial muscles had tensed and she began to shift uncomfortably.

Spencer debated what to do, convinced that she was now in the throes of a nightmare. When she muttered and expelled a quiet, shrill, whimper, Spencer decided it was best that he try to wake her.

Carefully he reached out, his good hand encompassing hers. He felt JJ flinch, but her eyes remained closed. Gently, he stroked the back of her hand with his index finger, try to coax her awake without scaring her.

Suddenly, JJ's eyes shot wide open. Fear laced her expression as she yanked her hand away quickly.

"JJ, it's me. It's ok, you're in the hospital." Spencer soothed her as she looked around furiously.

"It's ok, it's safe." Spencer said again when she turned to face him, meeting his eyes for the first time.

"Spence?" She asked with surprise.

"Yes, I'm here JJ."

"Oh my God, I'm so happy to see you!"

Her emotions did a complete one-eighty, and she immediately looked more calm and relieved.

"I'm so glad you're alive." She said, sitting up and leaning forward to give him a firm hug. She ignored her body's protest, a dull ache shooting through her midsection in response to her abrupt movements.

Spencer was caught surprised by her actions. It took him a moment before he leaned in and returned her hug. They held each other for a few long moments, both taking comfort in the warm presence of the other.

Finally, JJ released him, pulling away more gingerly as she slowly returned to her laying position on the bed. As discretely as she could, she brought her arm up and quickly dabbed away at a couple of tears.

"I thought for sure…as soon as Hastings took me…that you would be dead…" JJ sniffled, wiping another tear.

"It's ok JJ. We both made it."

"I'm _so _sorry Spence. It's all my…"

"Don't. Please. Please don't blame yourself. There was nothing more you could've done." He tried to console her, reading the guilt on her face.

"Yes there was. If I had just opened up to you…from the beginning…"

"Stop. Please. Now is not the time."

"Spence…"

"We can discuss this when we're both more up to it. Once we've had time to rest and recover, to process everything. But now is not the time. Just know I don't blame you JJ. You've been through so much already." Spencer said, honestly.

JJ held his gaze for a long moment before she finally looked down, staring at the blanket that covered her. There was so much going through her mind. So much she wanted to apologize for, so much that she wanted to make clear. She knew, deep down, that she owed him a lot. She just wasn't sure how she would ever be able to make him understand.

How would she ever be able to fully make it up to him? Especially now, after she had essentially been broken right in front of him. In a way, she almost wondered if it would be easier for her to disappear; to just leave everything behind and start over.

But Jennifer Jareau was not a runner, she refused to be. And she knew that would be the worst thing she could possibly do to Spencer. Not after he had stuck by her through this whole mess.

JJ sighed, taking a shaky breath.

"I just want to make sure you know…I truly mean it when I say I'm sorry…" She said finally, forcing herself to meet his eyes again.

Spencer studied her face, seeing a certain vulnerability he didn't think he had ever seen from her before. It took a moment, but he understood why she looked like this. He had seen her exposed, _completely_.

Not necessarily in a physical sense; he had done his best not to look at JJ when Hastings had done what he had.

But Spencer _had _seen her at her most emotionally exposed. He had seen her mentally broken down.

Recounting this in his mind nearly broke his heart all over again. Recalling when she hallucinated, when she cried out in pain and despair; he had seen so much of her that he had never seen before. They had been close, they had reached a certain level of intimacy in their relationship, but what had been done to JJ, what had been exposed of JJ, went deeper than that.

And, worst of all, in a sense that didn't even touch on the secrets she had been keeping. Yes, it was true they were going to have a lot to talk about when they were both ready. JJ was going to have to explain herself, once and for all. And then, the ball would be in Spencer's court.

He would have to decide once and for all if he still accepted her. How could he not? He had always felt something for JJ. They had always had a certain closeness.

And now the irony was, Spencer finally was achieving something that he had only imagined possible, only to have it potentially torn away by Michael Hastings. The man had exposed a level of emotional disconnect that Spencer hadn't thought existed. The result was now a barrier that was going to be very difficult for them to overcome.

"Spence…?" JJ whispered, looking fearful when he still hadn't replied.

"I know JJ, I know." He finally replied with a nod.

He watched JJ worry her lip, and he knew she still had her doubts. He wished that he could take those doubts away for her, but the truth was they were the same doubts he was currently struggling with. How could he take away something that he also felt?

The room was beginning to feel awkward. It was too quiet. They were both painfully aware that they were alone, together, for the first time since the film festival. It felt like a lifetime ago.

Finally, when the silence became its own form of torture, JJ spoke in an attempt to fill the void.

"How are you feeling?"

Spencer's head shot up. Immediately, he felt ashamed that she had beaten him to the question. He felt obligated to ask her first, it was his duty as a man, and he had just failed woefully.

"I'm…doing better." He chose his words cautiously, making very sure that he didn't use the word _fine_.

It was a word he wasn't sure that they would ever be able to use again. Just the mere thought of the word gave Spencer flashbacks. He could hear JJ's voice cracking, the strain clear as day as Hastings slowly undressed her. Quickly he shook his head, willing the thoughts to leave his brain.

"That's good." JJ replied after a moment, eyeing his actions suspiciously.

"Are you in pain?" She asked with some worry.

"A little. But only because I refused pain killers." He replied honestly.

"Spence…" JJ began in a motherly tone.

"It's for the best…remember?"

JJ caught herself before she said more. The irony of the situation suddenly held even more weight.

The last time something had happened to them both, had been Hankel. The effects of Hankel were still present, even years later. It made JJ wonder if the same could be said with her situation with Hastings. He was her Hankel.

JJ shuddered at the thought. It also made her consider, for the briefest of instants, if this was somehow some sort of a sign that her and Spence just weren't meant to be around each other. It suddenly felt like the forces of the universe had certainly tried their damndest to conspire against them finding happiness together.

"I remember…" JJ forced herself to reply quietly, snapping her focus back to Spencer.

"How…how bad was it…?" She asked tentatively.

"It wasn't too bad. I lost a lot of blood more than anything from the stab wound. Luckily besides that there was only some minor internal damage. How are-?"

"And your hand?" JJ asked, motioning to his wrapped hand with the broken fingers.

"It'll heal with time. The doctors reset them while I was out thankfully. The rest are just bruises and minor burns. I'm ok." He reassured her.

"Good, I'm glad." JJ said with a slight smile. "Do you get to go home soon?"

"They're actually discharging me now. They wanted me to go home, but I insisted on seeing you first."

JJ felt a slight warmness fill her heart.

"Now, are you finally going to let me ask you how you're doing?" Spencer continued.

"I'm…I'm recovering. I've been resting a lot." JJ looked down, fidgeting a little.

"How are you feeling? Are you in pain?"

"They gave me some pain killers. And some other meds…so I'm feeling pretty good right now."

Spencer nodded, noticing JJ was avoiding his eyes. She had focused on him because she hadn't wanted the focus on herself, that much was clear. While she truly did care about his well-being, in her mind she was trying to avoid looking anymore weak or wounded than what he had already witnessed.

"Any idea when they're going to let you leave?"

JJ took a deep breath, shifting a little.

"Yeah, tomorrow hopefully. I'm ready to go home. They just want to monitor me for another day as a precaution."

"I know you hate being here, but it's probably for the best."

"I know."

"Are you…I mean do you…have someone to stay with you. I hate…I don't think you should be alone yet."

JJ's eyes snapped up, her gaze more fiery now.

"I could argue the same point with you." She said defensively.

"Morgan's staying with me, for a day or two just to make sure there aren't any complications from my surgery."

"Lucky you." JJ smiled a little, shooting him a suggestive look as her defenses retreated.

"So do you? I could-"

"Emily's going to stay with me for a while. She took some time out of work. I told her not to, but she insisted."

"How long?" Spencer asked with some concern.

"Uh, I don't know. What's today?" JJ asked, suddenly realizing she had no real sense of time.

"Thursday."

"Oh. Through next weekend I guess then. About ten days." She met Spencer's eyes.

"Like I said, I told her not to."

"She cares JJ. We all do."

JJ let out another deep sigh.

"I know. I'll be ok. I just…need some time."

"Of course. We just went through one heck of a time. I'm pretty sure even Morgan's impressed." Spencer tried an attempt at humor.

JJ smiled kindly, although she really didn't laugh.

Another silence filled the room. This time, it was Spencer's turn to break the silence.

"JJ, if there's anything I can do to help, anything at all…"

"I know Spence." JJ replied abruptly.

She hadn't meant to be so short, but she was beginning to feel uncomfortable. The thought of him, of Emily, fighting to take care of her was making her feel weak and vulnerable all over again. She would _not_ be babied.

JJ watched Spencer as he began to fidget now too. There was one more thing on her mind, something she wanted to say to him before he left, while it was just them. It had been nagging at her almost since the moment Emily had told her he had survived.

"Spence." She called his name gently, drawing his attention to her.

"I just want you to know…what happened…with…Hastings…it wasn't your fault, either."

Spencer bit his lip uncomfortably, watching as she cringed just by the mention of that man's name.

"JJ I-"

"I know what he said Spence…I heard it clear as day while he…" She shuddered, pausing to compose herself.

"It wouldn't have mattered if it was you or if it was Cruz…Hastings would've done what he did either way."

"JJ."

"He's a narcissist Spence. He was getting off on making you hurt, almost as much as he was getting off…doing what he did to me. He was trying to make you feel inadequate on purpose." JJ finished, forcing herself to push on as it became harder and harder to do so.

'It worked.' Spencer thought to himself.

"Spence, please. I need you to know what he said wasn't true. Cruz wouldn't have been able to stop what happened if he were alive rather than you. You did _everything_ I could've ever expected from you. I don't blame you."

Spencer nodded a little at JJ's insistence, bowing his head as he felt tears prick at his eyes.

"I'm sorry it happened JJ." He said, meeting her own teary eyes.

"So am I Spence." JJ replied.

They both sat in silence again, mulling over everything, reliving it all over again. In the back of his mind, Spencer just couldn't let the thought go.

'I should've done more.'

The sad truth was, they were both filled with regret. They both blamed themselves for the events that had transpired. It was something they were both going to have to work to get past.


	17. Conversations Part 1

**AN: This chapter ended up being so long that I decided to split it into two parts. The second part should be up very shortly. Thank you all for your continued interest. **

The next week passed by excruciatingly slow for Spencer. He had Morgan to keep him company for the first few days, and his friend had done a great job of keeping the mood light and making sure Spencer's spirits were up.

When Morgan left after a few days, much to Spencer's encouragement, Spencer turned his attention to books.

However, he just didn't have the same focus he was accustomed to. His thoughts kept drifting to JJ. He wondered how she was doing, how she was coping. He prayed that she was making progress. He knew she had Emily, which was probably for the best. He also knew that she was seeing a therapist; just as he had been mandated to do himself.

But their paths had yet to cross. Spencer had not seen JJ since that day he visited her in her hospital room. He had little idea of how she was truly doing.

Sure, they had kept the lines of communication open throughout the week. But they were simple text messages, generalities and small talk, on how they were both feeling, what they were doing to help pass the time. To Spencer it was one thing to read something in a text, it was quite another to hear the same words in person.

After a few days, when his concern became too much, Spencer got in touch with Emily. Emily had reassured him over the phone that JJ was doing well. Her nightmares were diminishing and the therapy seemed to truly be helping.

This news helped to ease Spencer's worries a little, but he was also smart enough to recognize that Emily was being a little guarded. She didn't want to betray JJ's trust. And she also probably didn't want to hamper Spencer's own recovery by making him worry when there really was little that he could do right now.

So Spencer took everything with a grain of salt, and he continued to push through his own recovery. He went to his therapy appointments. He focused on his physical recovery. His burns and bruises were fading, his stab wound had healed enough that the sharp pain was more of a dull ache.

Consciously, his hand drifted to his torso as he thought of the wound, his fingers delicately tracing over what would be a permanent physical reminder of what he had been through.

The use of his other hand was still hindered by the splint helping to keep his broken fingers in place. The lack of mobility in that hand had probably been one of the most frustrating aspects of his whole recovery so far. Spencer told himself it would only be a few more weeks before he could finally remove the splints and try to return to using it more normally. It was a day he was looking forward to very much.

Spencer sighed, wandering around his apartment without any true direction or intent.

The room felt quiet, lonely even.

He had made sure to get out every day for more than simply attending therapy, an effort to prevent cabin fever. But now, more than anything, he had an overwhelming desire to visit JJ. He wanted to see her. He wanted to check on her.

He knew he would be taking a bit of a risk, showing up at her house unannounced. But he was worried for her. He hadn't received a text in about two days now.

Spencer knew Emily had returned to London the day before last. The lack of texting and Emily's leaving had coincided, and this made Spencer concerned. He wondered if JJ was reverting backwards, shielding and isolating herself from the outside world now that there wasn't anyone around keeping her company that he knew of.

Sure, Garcia had probably been visiting too. But why would Emily call him before she left, to let him know she was returning to London if she wasn't trying to tell him something? Sure, it had been a common courtesy and maybe he was reading too much into the situation, but what if he wasn't? What if JJ needed him, needed _someone_?

Before Spencer even realized what he was doing, he found himself in front of JJ's house. He had been so deep in thought, his mind running rapidly in circles, that he didn't even know how he had gotten there.

But here he was, on her doorstep, staring intently at the door; a physical barrier to her that could've easily represented the mental block that had seemingly formed between them.

Spencer took a deep breath, inhaling some of the cool night air.

Gently he knocked on the door.

It took forever to receive a response, but Spencer knew JJ was home, most of the lights were on inside.

Finally, the door opened in the slightest as JJ peaked through the thin opening cautiously.

"Spence?" She asked with complete surprise, her eyes wide as she appraised him.

"Hey JJ. Do you…do you mind if I come in? I just wanted to see how you are doing…maybe chat for a little?" He struggled to voice his thoughts.

For some reason he found himself to be very nervous, fearful that she might reject him. He watched her hesitate, keeping the door mostly closed as she considered his proposition.

When she slowly opened the door a little wider, Spencer took it as his cue that she would allow it.

Carefully he stepped past her, entering the threshold as she closed and locked the door behind him. He turned to watch her, studying her body language closely to try to get a read of the situation.

"It's nice to see you Spence. But, uh, what are you doing here?" JJ asked, crossing her arms and pulling the robe she wore tighter around her lithe frame.

Spencer immediately read this to be a closed, protective stance. She still felt vulnerable around him. Although, in truth, he had shown up out of the blue. He had caught her by surprise; of course she would initially appear guarded.

Spencer took a moment before he replied, using the time to take in her appearance.

JJ didn't look too bad, the color had restored to her face and the bruise on her cheek had almost disappeared completely. Her hair was light and wavy again, making Spencer wonder if she'd had it done recently. Her clothes gave the appearance that she was dressed for comfort, ready for bed. She looked well put together overall, almost like the JJ of old.

But what gave her front away were her eyes.

JJ's eyes had dark circles under them and she appeared tired. Immediately Spencer wondered if she was having trouble with nightmares again. Emily had told him they had been few and far between recently, but remembering his own struggles after Hankel, Spencer knew they could easily return once one found themselves alone.

"I just wanted to see how you're doing. I thought maybe you would like some company for a bit." Spencer replied.

He watched JJ search his eyes carefully, potentially looking for his motive. He forced himself to allow her to do this, even though it made him feel a little self-conscious and uncomfortable. As uncomfortable as he may be, it was currently his job to make her feel as at ease as possible or she would likely reject him quickly and reinforce her mental shield.

"Did one of the girls put you up to this?" She asked finally.

"Girls?"

"Yeah. Emily? Garcia?" She asked almost accusatorily.

"What? No-no. I came on my own. I was…a little worried about you. I haven't seen you since that day at the hospital." He admitted truthfully.

JJ took a breath, before nodding in just the slightest. She walked past him towards the kitchen, her arms still around her torso.

"Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?" She called over her shoulder.

"Uh, coffee would be nice, thank you."

JJ didn't reply as she went about fixing him some coffee and herself some tea.

Spencer glanced around his surroundings, unsure of what to do with himself. He couldn't help but to get the sense that maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all. JJ seemed so…distant.

"You know…JJ, if this is a bad time-"

"Spence."

"I didn't mean to impose. I probably should've called first."

"It's fine Spence. We should do this." She replied, sounding almost more like she was speaking to herself rather than him.

He watched as she expertly made his coffee to his exact desired specifications.

"I'm glad you came Spence. There's a lot we need to talk about it. It's probably better that we do it now, instead of letting it hang over us. Don't you think?" She asked, forcing herself to meet his eyes as she handed him the coffee mug.

"Um…yeah."

Spencer felt his mind spinning. This wasn't what he had intended. He hadn't intended to put her on the spot, or to clear the air. He assumed that she would need more time. But now, here they were.

Spencer sat stiffly on one end of the couch as JJ sat more comfortably on the other end. She sat there taking careful sips of her tea, not sure how to start.

"You look better Spence. How are you healing?" She asked, deciding to start the conversation carefully.

"I'm doing ok. My hand hurts and I still have a dull ache in my abdomen every time I move…but everything else is just about back to normal."

JJ nodded, eyeing him carefully.

"Good. I'm glad you're doing better. Hopefully nothing is too permanent." She forced herself to smile thinly.

"I'll have a scar, and my fingers might not ever be completely straight again, but I can live with it." He replied, not really considering how open his words were.

JJ winced a little, her eyes taking on a sad tone.

"I'm sorry Spence. Really. You didn't deserve any of that."

"JJ, don't apologize. Please don't apologize. You couldn't prevent this. What happened is not your fault."

"That's the thing Spence. I _could have_ prevented this. Maybe if I were more open and honest with you and the team…"

"JJ you can't speculate about that. You did your job. The job you were ordered and trained to do. I'm sorry you were put in the position you were in, but you did everything you could've. If I were in your shoes I'm not sure I would've handled the situation any differently."

"I lied to you Spence. I lied to the team. I lied to everyone who I care about, who care about me. I feel like it's just been one lie after another the last few years. Starting with Emily…and then continuing with my forced reassignment with the State Department…"

"JJ, listen. I can't imagine everything you have been through. I could try, but my mind wouldn't do it justice. I have every faith that you did everything in your power to do the right thing. You lied to protect us, to protect yourself. That's why you didn't tell the team about knowing Cruz. And you didn't tell us about the State Department, Afghanistan, because you were under strict orders not to. I understand that."

"Spencer…" JJ sighed, taking a deep breath and re-gathering her thoughts. "I appreciate that, really I do. But I haven't been fair to you, or anyone else. I lied to you about Emily."

"Because you had to. You were protecting her."

"You were so mad at me…"

"Back then I was, because I didn't understand why. Now I do."

"You felt so betrayed, I know. So how is this different?! I told you I would do my best never to betray your trust again…especially if we were going to make this work, and I…did." JJ said more firmly, struggling a little to keep her composure.

"JJ…I…" Spencer took a long breath, trying to process his next move.

"Do I feel betrayed? Yes. Honestly, yes. My heart broke when I heard you had spent most of that year in Afghanistan. When I heard everything you had been through. I can't imagine everything that happened. But like I said in that room, I _understand_. I respect and admire you. Because, above all, you showed me that you are even stronger than I ever could have thought possible. You _are_ that person. Despite what…that man…may have said. What he may have tried to make me believe. If anything, the one thing that _really_ broke my heart…was the realization that you went through most of this by yourself."

"Spence…"

"My biggest regret is that you had to go through what you did. It cuts me, truly. But the more I think about it, the more I realize most of it was out of my control. It was out of _your_ control. I couldn't have done anything because I wasn't allowed to know. It wasn't my place to know. You couldn't have done anything, or Cruz, because you both didn't realize that it was members of your own team who betrayed you. There was no way to stop that."

"But there _was_ a way to stop it! I _knew_ there was a mole somewhere in our outfit. I was right the whole time! I just couldn't figure it out fast enough. Maybe if I…"

"JJ."

"No! If I had…"

"JJ, please. Listen for a minute."

At this point Spencer had set his coffee mug down. Gently, he held her free hand clasped lightly in his hands, using the contact to draw her attention.

"You didn't have enough time or resources. What happened…it was planned. Trust me; I've thought about it _a lot_ the last week. You were getting closer and closer to finding…him…the mole. And as soon as that became clear what did he do? He attacked. He made it impossible for you or Cruz to get him. He tried to set you up to fail at your job with the botched raid. And, when you became wise to him, he used an attack to fake his own death, disappearance, whatever, so that the trail went cold. You did _everything_ right."

JJ eyed Spencer skeptically, taking another sip of her tea.

"You went to your superiors, right? You told Cruz? What more could you have done?"

JJ remained silent.

"You need to _stop_ blaming yourself for what happened in Afghanistan JJ. You had no idea what would happen. Those men were always a step ahead because they had been planning for so long. Your introduction to the group was what nearly compromised their plans. And that introduction, your assignment, was out of your hands to begin with, remember?"

JJ took a breath, nodding slightly.

"_Because_ you thought Hastings was dead, you had no way of seeing him coming when he decided to make his next move." Spencer continued, feeling her flinch a little at the mention of her tormentor's name.

"But Spence, we _knew _something was up. Something didn't feel right. Matt knew that as well as anyone. That's why I was so on edge before this happened. He told me that something didn't seem right, that he thought something was coming, and he was right."

"JJ."

"But we couldn't stop it before they abducted all of us."

"Again, because they were a step ahead of you. They had the element of surprise. They had bought themselves time to plan precisely what they wanted to do. They were as smart and as well organized as any unsub we have ever faced. You weren't going to see them coming unless they made a major mistake. There were too many pieces to the puzzle, too many hidden variables. Please JJ, you have to believe this was out of your hands. It's not your fault."

JJ sighed, taking another sip of her tea.

"I want to believe that Spence. I wish I could. But I can't. I should've known better. I put myself in a vulnerable position…and it resulted in both of us being kidnapped…in you being hurt…in Matt being…" JJ stopped, unable to finish.

"Cruz knew what the stakes were JJ. He didn't…he didn't go needlessly. He did everything he could to protect us. The situation simply spiraled out of his control. He recognized it before any of us."

JJ sniffled a little, thinking of how Mateo Cruz had died.

"He didn't deserve to go that way. He was such an admirable person…a good guy."

"No one does JJ. But what he did, it was very commendable. We may not be here if it weren't for him. I know I owe him my life. I owe him a debt I can never repay. And the only thing Hastings said in that room that held any sort of truth, is that Cruz did what he did, in part, because he truly cared about you."

This caused JJ to break into a full-out cry. Tears trickled down her face as she mourned her friend, a man she truly knew had a good heart.

Spencer desired to pull her close, but he was apprehensive about how she might react. So he settled on stoking her hand lightly, soothing her, as she let the sadness out of her system.

"I will never forgive them for what they did to Matt." JJ spoke, wiping a few tears from her cheek. "They used his life as a game. They used his life against me. He never deserved that. I will never forgive them for what they did to him."

Spencer met her red, angry eyes, and simply nodded solemnly. He took another sip of his coffee as he waited for her to calm down a little.

"I just wish I could've been as strong as him. I wish I could've done everything he asked. I feel like…I failed him." Spencer muttered. He didn't realize he had spoken the words out loud until he noticed the look from JJ.

"You didn't fail him, or me, Spence. You didn't belong in that situation to begin with."

"It still doesn't change-"

"Spence! We went over this in the hospital. And you _promised_ me, that you wouldn't blame yourself, remember? I need you to keep that promise, please. This works both ways. If you want me to believe that me getting you dragged into this somehow wasn't my fault, then you have to believe…what happened to me…was equally out of your control and not your fault."

Spencer thought for a long while before nodding, conceding this fact. It wouldn't help to argue with her. They were trying to repair their relationship, arguing this fact would not be productive. He could admit to her out loud that he didn't blame himself, even if deep down, it would take him a long while before he truly believed it.

The irony did not escape him, that JJ was probably doing the same about their initial abduction. They were partners in their own self-deception.

A long silent moment passed as they both finished their drinks. When it was over, JJ spoke again. She knew this next subject had to be broached, and in all actuality, this may actually be even more difficult for her to talk about.

"Spence."

"Yes?"

"What was said about me in that room…about what happened in Afghanistan…" She trailed off.

Spencer felt a small wave of nausea hit him. He knew where she was going, and it was a subject, a thought, he hadn't really wanted to face. Because, in a way, it had made him jealous. And he couldn't afford to be jealous now, he had to be strong. He knew this next subject would be incredibly deep and personal for JJ, on a level that she rarely ever exposed.

"I…I only slept with Matt once. It was only that one time, I swear."

"JJ, I believe you."

"I never slept with anyone else. It was…"

"JJ, please. You don't have to go into detail. I trust you. I know what Hastings was trying to do, it didn't work. He was trying to build on your _deception_ towards me and take advantage by trying to break us down and make me believe you had been even more deceptive than what I thought possible."

"Spence."

"I was shocked to find out. Really, shocked. I never suspected you and Matt for a minute. And the fact that you were pregnant…"

"Spence, I should've told you. I _know_ you deserved to know. I just _couldn't_. It hurt too much. I tried a few times, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want you to look at me differently."

"JJ, I would never-"

"Yes, you would've. You've…you've always held me up on this pedestal. I always knew you had a crush on me. And finally, now that you _finally_ had what you had always dreamed of…and I would never measure up…I would be the girl who…lost a baby…a baby with a man who I admired but never _loved_, at least not in that way…I thought that knowledge would destroy you."

"JJ."

"I just wouldn't measure up to what you expected me to be."

"JJ…no one ever completely measures up. Think about it…do I measure up to everything you always pictured? I'm sure not physically. There's always something JJ, none of us are perfect."

"But the fact that it happened, Spence. That I became pregnant and then _miscarried_."

"It wouldn't have mattered JJ. I know now, and I can promise you that it doesn't matter."

JJ looked shyly away, eyeing the floor.

"It was just such a _personal _event. You know I've never been the most open…and that…that just topped it all."

"Listen JJ, it hurt to find out you miscarried, it's true. But it hurt me more that you didn't feel the need to tell me. And it hurt me the most, just knowing, that you went through it almost all on your own. I know you had Cruz…but I can tell, given the circumstances…it just wasn't the same. It wasn't the comfort you needed."

"I'm sorry Spence. I just, I made so many mistakes. I liked Matt, I really did. But I never intended to sleep with him when I first met him. And I certainly didn't mean to become pregnant. It just…"

"Happened."

"Yeah, I guess. But that's the thing. It wasn't supposed to 'just happen' to me. I was never that type of person. I've always been hesitant to…"

"I know."

"And…"

"Hastings used those insecurities against you. Please JJ, I know. You don't have to explain. I _know_ you, remember?"

JJ inhaled deeply, wiping another tear away as she looked at him.

"I know." She said with a slight smile.

"I acted selfishly Spence. I kept too many secrets from you. Never again, I promise."

"I'd like that JJ. I really would." Spencer replied softly.

"Unfortunately, in our line of work that's not always possible." He added.

"We work together Spence. There's no reason we can't try. I, for one, know I need to try harder. You've always been so honest and genuine to me, I owe that to you too." JJ replied, rubbing his hand.


	18. Conversations Part 2

**AN: For those who private messaged me and asked, I chose to do 'conversations' to help JJ & Spencer heal because it seemed more personal and emotional. I thought about doing flashbacks and nightmares (which I'm sure some of you may have been hoping for), but I have done that in previous stories and I'm always looking to do something different. I hate to write the same thing over and over. Hopefully you're all still enjoying this! Just an epilogue to go after this.**

JJ's fingers delicately traced Spencer's bandaged hand with an almost motherly touch.

"So now, since I'm trying to be more open. There are a few more things I'd like to tell you."

Spencer's face dropped a little.

JJ saw this and couldn't help to smile a little.

"It's ok…I promise you. No more _big secrets_. This is just my attempt to leave everything out in the open, so you can see me for as I am."

"Ok…" Spencer replied nervously.

JJ swallowed the lump in her throat. She could do this. This was Spence, the one man she trusted more than any other man in the world. She wasn't practiced at this, but now was the best time to start. This was the best time for her to be fully open with him.

"First, I have _never_ cheated on you in my life Spence. Even when Cruz came in and joined our team. We…we went for coffee and ran together a couple of times. But that was it. I have never been with another man while I was with you. I would never do that to you."

Spencer breathed a little easier, feeling some of the tension leave his body. He never thought JJ would be capable of such a thing, but his past history with women created his own doubts in general.

"Did you…you know, love him?"

This took longer for JJ to give a reply.

"I liked him Spence. He was a nice guy. He treated me well. He always had my back. I trusted him, which was important given where I was and what I had to do with the State Department. Working over there, it wasn't like working at the BAU. Afghanistan could be very dangerous as I'm sure you know, and some of the men…they could be real chauvinists. I was out of my element in a potentially dangerous situation. The first week there I've never been more stressed or uncomfortable with a job in my life. But Matt, he made it easy for me. He accepted me and watched out for me. He was a great team leader." JJ said thoughtfully.

"But you didn't love him?" Spencer asked again.

"In a sense, I did. But it never would've worked and we both knew that. I never meant to sleep with him. And when it happened, and I became pregnant, it scared us both. Things became complicated. After the miscarriage, he helped me when he could, but as my boss he also had to keep a certain distance. It was a very awkward situation. I don't think I ever had any intention of having a long, lasting intimate relationship with him. If I did, if I had any doubts whatsoever, I certainly wouldn't have gone out with you. I would never do that…use you, string you along. I was committed to you as soon as we started dating, and I never for a minute looked back."

Spencer nodded, believing what she said. And, in a sense, it put a major doubt he had in his mind at ease. From the moment JJ's relationship with Cruz had been revealed, he had so many questions and fears. JJ had cleared many of them up with that statement.

"I know I haven't always been as transparent as you are, as transparent as you would like Spence, but as soon as I committed to you, I _committed_ _to you_. That was part of the reason why it took me so long. I wanted to avoid hurting you. I wanted to make sure I was ready."

"JJ…I don't know what to say. It makes sense and I'm happy to hear you say that. I'm…not sure what else to say."

"You don't have to say anything. It's just something I thought you should know."

"I guess I'm relieved. Although, maybe relieved isn't the appropriate word." Spencer pondered.

"It's fine Spence. I understand. I knew you would have mixed emotions, doubts. How could you not? I never wanted you to find out the way you did. It was my fault you found out how you did."

Spencer nodded subtlety. More silence passed between them before he spoke again.

"You said there were 'other things' you wanted to tell me?"

"Yes." JJ said cautiously.

"Are you sure this isn't too much? You look tired. We don't have to fit this all into one night. I never intended to do this."

"It's fine Spence, really. I need to do this. The therapist I'm seeing told me it would be good to clear the air…to clear my head. It'll help ease some of my stress…it'll help me to sleep normal if I talk about it with someone…with you."

"Ok. You're still having nightmares, aren't you?" Spencer asked, seeing an opportunity to ask the question.

JJ paused, but nodded, bowing her head a little.

"Are they…are they bad?"

"Sometimes." JJ replied, staring into space.

"Are they constant…or-"

"On and off. The last few nights I haven't slept as well. Sometimes…sometimes I'll wake up and feel like I'm drowning. Or I'll feel cold and wet…I'll wake up in a sweat. I think I've relived it all by now. The worst is always…_him_."

"JJ, I'm sorry. Is therapy helping?"

"Yeah, it is. And I was doing a lot better while Emily was here. But…my first night alone…I woke up in the middle of the night and briefly I panicked. I…I forgot where I was." JJ sniffled a little, shaking. "For a minute…I woke up thinking he was in the room with me…"

"It was a very traumatic event JJ. You know it took me a long time to get over my nightmares with Hankel. Unfortunately, this is very much the same."

"I know, I know Spence. But sometimes it's so real. It's like it really _is _happening again. I can feel him…feel what he did to me when he…and I can hear the things he said…the sounds…the smells…it can be overwhelming."

"JJ…"

"But then I wake up…and usually after a few minutes I'm able to calm myself down. But there's always that one time…that one time I fear most where sometimes, when I fall back to sleep, the nightmare picks up where it left off…only worse. Last night was one of those nights."

"JJ, it will get better. I can tell you that from experience."

"I feel like he may never leave me Spence. Like a part of me will always remember. That I will always _feel_ him…like I'll never completely lose that feeling for as long as I live."

"JJ you will. Right now you are still recovering. The therapy, as you said is helping. So too, will getting back to a normal routine once you are ready. You've had a lot of down time, which is not always a great thing for someone who is generally as active and busy as you are. You've had a lot of time to think, to process what happened. Your brain is trying to heal itself. Like you said, talking helps. Eventually the nightmares will disappear, mostly. I still get the occasional ones myself. But then I force myself to confront reality, and to think of something, or someone that makes me happy, and after that, I'm usually ok again. You will be ok again."

JJ looked up, smiling at him with appreciation.

"Thanks Spence."

"You're strong JJ. You proved that to both of _them_. That's why they went to the lengths they did…that's why they made you suffer so much. You didn't break. You might have cracked, but you _did not_ break."

"Sometimes I wonder if that's true…"

"That's only natural, but I'm here to tell you that the woman sitting in front of me tonight does not look broken. She looks tired, she's been through hell, but she is not broken. She is every bit the woman I remember. And she's the most courageous person I know, particularly, for having the strength to tell me what you just did."

"Spence…thanks…" JJ smiled shyly.

Tentatively, she leaned forward. Reaching out, she wrapped her arms around his body and pulled him in for a delicate hug.

Spencer was a little surprised at JJ's willingness to do this, but he immediately enjoyed the comfort of having her warm body so close to him. He wanted to hold her and never let get. It was a hug that was a lot more intimate than the one they had shared at the hospital. It was the contact he had been craving, the contact he had missed.

"I feel safe with you Spence." She whispered into his chest.

"I love you JJ, more than anything." He replied.

JJ breathed contentedly, in no hurry to leave his warm embrace.

"If I tell you something, something else, will you promise to keep it between us?" She asked, looking up into his eyes.

"Of course. Whatever we discuss is between us."

JJ nodded, settling her head back down on his chest.

"When I was at the hospital and they asked if I wanted birth control…for an instant I almost said no."

"Really? Why?" Spencer asked, unable to hide his shock.

"It's silly…I know it's really stupid actually." JJ began, distracting herself by staring at the fibers in his shirt.

"I just thought…" She sighed.

"It's ok." Spencer encouraged her.

"I just thought if I took the pills…would I ever get another chance…to conceive?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…I already lost a child, and now I was basically refusing another opportunity to have one, even considering the circumstances. What if by deciding to do so, I was somehow giving up my last chance to have a child? What if it turns out I can't conceive after all of this? What if…when I _am_ finally ready to have a child, the universe conspires against me?"

"JJ. First, I think you would make a great mom. Without a doubt, when you are ready, but only on_ your _terms. Second, while a miscarriage may lessen the future likelihood of pregnancy, depending on how extensive the trauma was, birth control generally has no bearing on that if you stop taking it."

"I know Spence. And I'm not even all that religious. Like I said, I know it's silly…but for the briefest of moments I found myself wondering, what if this is it?"

"It won't be it JJ, I promise you. And if it is…you'll cross that road when you get to it. It won't do any good to worry about it now. That's what _he _wanted. He picked up on your most vulnerable, painful moment, and he used it to his advantage. He used it against you, to taunt you. He _wanted_ you to relive it; to hurt, to doubt yourself. He had no right doing what he did to you, to take advantage of you like that. You made the choice you thought was best for you JJ. I don't see how the universe could conspire against you for that. If anything, I think it would look upon you favorably."

"You think so?"

"I do. And worst case, if your fears do come true, you can always adopt. But I for one can tell you I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to be right here with you."

JJ leaned up, placing a light kiss on the tip of his chin.

"Thanks, Spence, really."

"Anytime."

"Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you."

"After everything we just talked about, you have to ask?" He said with a chuckle.

JJ chuckled back, settling her head more comfortably against his chest.

"No, I suppose I don't." She smiled.


	19. Epilogue

A few weeks passed since that night at JJ's house.

In that time, both JJ and Spencer had been cleared to return to their jobs, which they had. Both agents welcomed the return to a routine. It was a return to the crazy 'normalcy' that they had both missed and become accustomed to before their kidnapping.

Not everything was perfect, when was life ever perfect? But they learned to take everything day by day.

Physically, Spencer was slower to recover than JJ. His injuries limited the mobility he was accustomed to, and he found he had to take things more cautiously his first few weeks in the field.

Mentally, Spencer was doing well. He had faced what had happened head on. The meetings he had with his assigned therapist were productive. He took advantage of every moment he had to clear his mind and process his thoughts. He still suffered the occasional nightmare, but he had found peace the best he could with what had happened. He could no longer dwell on his regrets; he had learned he had to move on. It wasn't easy, but Spencer consciously worked at it every day.

JJ on the other hand, was almost the complete opposite.

She had recovered physically rather quickly and had almost no limitations when it came to that in the field.

The part that she struggled with was the mental aspect.

She had her good days and her bad days. Some days, she would be just like her old self. Other times, when things weren't going so well, she would become mentally isolated and more distant.

Sometimes these moods would be triggered by case material that involved situations JJ was all too familiar with. Other times, it was simply meeting a 'strange' man whether it was meeting with the local authorities, victim's families, or the unsubs themselves. It was a difficult, delicate balance.

Hotchner did his best to help the situation, easing JJ back into the structure of the team as best he could. He took special precautions to ensure her safety and mental well-being, the challenge being not undercutting JJ's duties or making her feel any less part of the team.

Hotchner played everything by a case by case basis, the only consistency being he made sure JJ never found herself alone until she was ready. A member of the team was always with her, just in case. Usually, that person was Spencer. If for no other reason, this was because Hotchner noticed the increased comfort and relaxed body language JJ had when she was around him.

JJ, of course, noticed Hotchner's strategy, but she didn't call him out on it. If anything, she was very grateful that Hotch cared enough to take the extra precautions. She was happy to be back; happy to be back with her family. In this sense, she almost felt whole again.

JJ was still battling her mental demons, but she was progressing. Her nightmares were less intense, less vivid. There were still times when she had them, however. And those days were days she struggled not to shut down, struggled to not close herself off from the outside world. Because those days she felt alone, vulnerable, dirty.

Her mind still went to dark places. But luckily, she had Spencer to pull her out of the darkness. He was usually quick to notice she was having another 'event', and he was even quicker to help repair her mind.

It was a cycle, but a cycle that helped bring them together closer mentally, even if they still struggled to return to where they were physically. Sometimes it started with a simple touch; a delicate caress of her chin or hair that made her flinch. Spencer made that mistake once, and told himself never again. But with time she got over that as well.

Everything just took _time_, which was the most frustrating part.

Deep down JJ desired to be intimate with Spencer again. She knew that, someday, she wanted to have his child. She wanted to have a normal, loving relationship with him. But when she attempted being intimate with him, fear immediately enveloped her.

She knew it was irrational, she knew he wouldn't hurt her, but her mind simply refused to set her free. And that frustrated her to no end.

JJ wondered if she would ever be able to experience those feelings normally, or if Hastings had permanently damaged her. So for now, with Spencer's incredible patience and understanding, they took things slow. Simple kissing and touching was enough; they were still able to spend time together. The fact that part of their relationship had not been taken away from them, was more than enough.

JJ thought about Hastings sometimes, she still occasionally feared that somehow he would find a way to get to her. She knew the odds were slim to none, but she still found a part of herself wishing he had died, so then that small part of her brain could rest easy.

Like everything else, it was simply a fact that she had to learn to accept with time. What happened to her had briefly broken her, but she was still alive. She still had a life and she still had a chance to be happy.

JJ could be happy with Spencer; the one man who would truly do anything for her. The one man who cared for her like no other man could. She had her demons, she had her down days, but Spencer Reid helped to make it all better.

Every day was different, but they got through the challenges together, step by step. It wasn't perfect, but it was a start.

Every day they grew a little stronger.

Every day, the events of the past faded away a little more.

It was the future they looked forward to, together, with hopeful eyes.

**AN: I know this ending may have been a little bittersweet, but I wanted it to be realistic; mixing a blend of uncertainty and hopefulness. Thank you to everyone who read, favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. I really hope you all enjoyed it. I am planning to do a spin-off as I stated a few chapters back, it may just take some time. The spinoff will be based on what happens if Hastings actually did escape with JJ on that plane. As always, any thoughts, suggestions, or feedback are welcome. Thanks again.**


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